The Simple Things in Life

The sun shone down on the little boy and the teenage girl.

The little boy had a bubble gun in his hand. He pressed the trigger and both him and his cousin watched as the bubbles of all sizes floated out over the grass, skimming the greens before exploding with a small pop.

The bubble gun whirred mechanically as the little boy laughed and twirled around, making the gun spit out bubbles everywhere.

"Matt, you see, such nice bubbles aren't they?" I asked.

Matthew smiled up at me, releasing the tension on the trigger of the bubble gun.

"It's nice, it's nice!" he emphasized, laughing as he ran around the yard, spewing bubbles everywhere.

I smiled to myself and digging my hands in my pockets, watched as the multi-coloured bubbles floated towards the sun.

Click! Whir! Sput!

I turned around as Matthew frowned, trying to get the stuck bubble gun to work.

The little boy turned in my direction and held out the bubble gun to me.

"It's spoilt," he said, his face turning sad.

I frowned and took the bubble gun. I shook it and inverted it. Then I pressed the trigger. With a click, the gun sprang back to life and bubbles came out from the gun again.

"Yay! Gimme!" yelled Matthew in joy, grabbing the gun out of my hands and waving it wildly in the sky, pushed the trigger.

"Matt," I warned, "Don't play with it so much. If not it'll spoil, or it'll run out of batteries or the soap solution will run out or - "

"Don't worry," the little boy assured me, laughing as he ran around madly with the bubble gun once more, "You don't need to worry about anything."

"Matt - "

"You don't need to worry," he told me, his face solemn, "You play now and have fun. No worry."

I stared at him, his words registering with a click in my mind, suddenly.

Don't worry.... don't worry... Those words seemed nothing out of the ordinary and yet.

When was the last time I needn't had to worry? When was the last time I didn't stress about worries?

Don't worry... Ever since I could remember, I was worrying about anything and everything. About how good my grades were. About whether I could win a prize. About whether I could survive in school. About how my prefects were doing. About how I could get my homework done. About my reputation in school. About all my responsibilites.

When was the last time I was carefree and had fun as it really was? Everytime I was playing, sure I did have fun. But at the back of my mind, there always was a growing concern about what would happen next. Or what would happen once playtime was over. Because deep in my subconciousness, I knew that fun had its consequences. Sure, I could relax now but what would happen once I got back to reality? Once I got back to my hectic life? All fun ever boiled down to for me was just work, work and work. And stress. And the hectic life.

I worry about a lot of things. And I can't just shove it all aside. But now, Matt's words just rang a bell in my mind. I DID worry too much. I DID take it overboard. But could anyone blame me?

I'm a teen. He's a kid. That's what makes us so different. We live in different worlds, totally different universes. He justs needs to worry about what he's planning to eat for breakfast today. I need to worry about what life brings for me tomorrow.

And yet, could I just forget about everything? About all my responsibilities and just for once, live like a kid? Free from everything, free from worries? Could I just stop and smell the roses for once? And just forget everything, forget my being a teen?

"Siaw Hui, Siaw Hui, I want you to play also," insisted the little boy, pressing the gun into my hand.

I snapped out of my reverie, stunned.

"You play, you play," he insisted, "You blow bubbles and I catch them okay?"

I looked at him and a wild determination seized my heart.

"All right, I'll play," I grinned, cocking the gun at his head, "But we'll make the rules different okay?"

"What? What?" the little boy whined, leaping in anticipation.

"Once the bubbles pop on you, you'll die. Just like that okay?" I said, winking.

"Okay, that's a fun game," Matthew agreed enthusiastically.

I laughed and was just about to shoot bubbles at him when a thought loomed into my mind.

Oh great. My prefectorial things. I had to sort them out. And the treasure hunt. And the hollywood squares. And so... so many other things in the computer that I have to settle.

"Siaw Hui," moaned the little boy, "I wanna play I wanna play!"

Worries overtook my mind as I reached down for the little boy's hand and pressed the gun into his.

"Sorry Matt, I need to get some things settled. You play on your own, okay?"

"But I want you to play with me!" he howled, "I want! Later you do those things, okay?"

As I stood there, looking at the most adorable little cousin I would ever have, I felt discovery deal me a hard blow.

Wait, I don't have to worry not for today. I still have time to finish those things. I still have the night. It won't take long. I don't have to worry now.

"You know what Matt? I changed my mind. I'm going first," I grinned evilly and stole the gun from the little boy's hand.

"Get ready, sucker," I taunted and pulled the trigger.

The little boy squealed in joy as the bubbles burst forth from the nozzle of the gun and splashed over him.

"You're dead," I teased.

Running wildly, the both of us sprayed each other with soapy bubbles and tried to avoid them. The worries I once had in my mind was floating away just like those thousands of bubbles.

Exhausted, we finally sat on the swing as Matthew continued to pull the trigger and release the bubbles.

"Look, Siaw Hui, so many colours. Purple, blue, yellow, green," he said in amazement, pointing at the bubbles.

I nodded, weary but immensely pleased. I had just had real fun for the first time in my life since goodness knows when. And the irony was that, my real fun and realization had come from an afternoon with bubbles with my cousin.

"Look, look, I blow them!" he said, blowing the bubbles into the direction of the sun.

"Yes, Matt, you're brilliant," I said tired, watching the beautiful bubbles float towards the sun.

I closed my eyes, truly weary but a smile touched my lips.

Indeed, ignorance was bliss.

The House of Uno Cards

I am updating my blog very frequently now.

I bet I won't have the time next year.

Anyway, this week has been really relaxing. What with the no apologies talk at the beginning of the week, then we got back our very last papers, with Chem being the very last. And then like today, we played our heads off.

One more thing I remember from the No Apologies course though...
Facilitator: You all know what are superstitions right?
Entire hall: Yes...
Facilitator: Like on Chinese New Year you play firecrackers. Why?
Everyone: To scare off the evil spirits.
Khang Wee: (yells so loud the entire room turns) To invite the police to come!
Aiyai yai.

So, the past few days we've been playing Uno cards, heart attack, scrabble, snap, Samson and Delilah... stuff like that.

One thing I've learned though. Do not play scrabble with Aidan. Because he beats you by hundred points. I learnt that twice the hard way. He got 200 first time round I got 100. He got 190 second time round I got 90. Aighz...

Oh yeah. I also learnt that Ms. Teo can conjure words in Scrabble that are worth like 60 points per word. Aidan can score 40 points per word. I can only score max of 20. See guys? Since when was my English good? Yeesh...

Uno games are getting a tad boring. Because we've been playing the whole day. Sigh... So we tried playing heart attack. And it worked out until Cikgu Tan got kinda pissed off at the noise we were making.

Cherling and Jessica are the funniest when it comes to Heart Attack though. Examples? heh...
Cherling gets a heart attack.
Cherling: WHOA!
*Notice that she didn't say the word Heart Attack.
Slams a hand down onto the table. The entire table scrambles to place their hands over hers.
Cherling: 1, 2, 3! (laughs manicially)
Slams her free hand down on the table believing that our hands were going to get smooshed by her fist.
Instead, the entire table scrams, leaving her own hand behind and she pounds on her own hand heavily.
The entire table explodes in laughter.

Then we have Jessica who always says she has a Heart Attack when she doesn't. Aigh...

Oh then we had Snap! Snap was so funny...

The cards 3 and +3 (these are Mel's Harry Potter cards so the plus two becomes plus three) are laid on the desk.
Akmal sees both cards to be 3.
He slams a hand down, smiling so broadly believing he beat the entire table to it.
Instead, the entire group explodes in laughter.
Akmal looks down at the cards and realize that he was wrong.
So he had to take like three-quarters of the entire Uno deck of cards.
He was so happy again, laugh at me saying I was an idiot again.
Funny guy.

Rest of the time, me and Emm had to plan the treasure hunt for the class of 4C on Monday. We had a little technical problems such as the STUPID LIBRARY PHOTOSTATING MACHINE DON"T KNOW HOW TO PHOTOSTATE PROPERLY AND GET PAPER JAM!

So it screwed up our plan and we had to like take half and hour forty five minutes to readjust and redo some of the clues because the stupid photostating machine failed us. Haiz... Like Emm said, mebbe we should have just written all the clues instead of photostating them.

I think the clues are moderate, some hard, some easy, some average. But Emm keeps insisting that the last one is hard. All 4cers out there, you'll find out on Monday whether it is hard. But just so you know, I changed one word of the last clue because Emm kept insisting and insisting that I did if not you guys would never find out. Psst. Prove her wrong guys!

I hope the class enjoys it, me and Emm are going to make them scamper around the ENTIRE school. Muahaha...

It's gonna be like old times.

Of No Apologies and Everything in Between

I feel proud of myself.

I finished No Apologies.

Haha... I know it's lame but oh well. Two days and it pays off! And the activites were so damn cool!

Let's see now, what did we do?

Okay, first we had the If Pillows Could Talk activity. It was stupid. It's like a few of us are supposed to sit on a bedsheet, with purple ribbons in our hands, linking us with oth ppl. And then the purple ribbon is supposed to mean we're sexually intercoursing (or whatever it was) with that person. Eww... and we all didn't know what the hell we were supposed to do man! We thought it was some stupid thing... so at my table...
When the person comes around with envelopes which contained the names of those people who are supposed to have a "sex party" chucked some of the names at us...
Tiff: What the heck is this? I'm Mary? Mary who?
Me: I'm Patti. Patti who?
Tan: hahaha... Siaw's an Indian.
Me: Oh SHUDDUP.
Khang: I'm Pete? Pete who?
Kai Lun: Jeff? I'm JEFF?!
Silence and then when the facilitator says what we're supposed to do and we flip to the section in our book which tells us of how many sleeping partners we're supposed to have...
Tiff: HELL! MARY HAS THREE GUYS? AND I HAVE CHLAMYDIA?
Me: HELL! PATTI GOT TWO GUYS? I HAVE CHLAMYDIA TOO?
Tiff and Me: (look at Tan and Van) Here you take it!
As the battle for who becomes stupid Patti and Mary rages on, on the oth side of the table...
Kai Lun: Eh, I'm clean! I have no STD! WHOOT!
Khang: (howls in dismay) I HAVE HPV! I HAVE HPV!!!!!!
Me: (glare) That's not the bloody point you idiots, that's...
Facilitator: Patti, can we have Patti please?
Me: Oh hell.
I take off my shoes and march off to the front where Tiff is already there.
I sit on the bedsheet and have to hold a purple ribbon with some guy from international school.
Facilitator: Todd, can we have Todd?
I cringe, knowing whoever Todd was I had to hold a ribbon with him too.
Aidan marches over and calmly takes a place.
Me: (splutter) You're TODD?
Aidan: Yeah, me, I'm Todd.
Mel comes over and she's supposed to hold a ribbon with Aidan(Todd) also.
Mel takes one look at me and I at her and we both go: YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH HER?
Aidan shrugs, couldn't care less.
Lol that was dumb but anyway behind us...
Alison is scolding Jeremy who's supposed to be with her: YOU HAD HIV AND YOU PASSED IT ME? YOU BLOODY IDIOT!
Jeremy: I didn't! I got if from Sjane!
Alison: I don't bloody care... I
Meanwhile...
Mel: Aidan! You gave me Chlamydia!
Aidan: What the hell? Siaw Hui got it bah!
Me: Eh hehe?
They both glare until...
Facilitator: (happily explaining to all the squabbling ppl on the bedsheet) Cindy(Mel) gets Chlamydia and passes it to Todd and Patti...
Me: (clears throat and glare at Mel together with Aidan) You were saying?
Mel: Oops.
haha... funny we really get into the hang of things.

Then we had this stupid drama about Aids and how it attacks the body. Nothing much to say la. But it was kinda funny and stupid not to say the least. Hard to explain though.

Oh then we had a skit. Every group was supposed to have a diff scene. And we're supposed to like show or demonstrate how you push away negative peer pressure. My group's was about shoplifting. How a friend shoplift and how you stop her. So before the play...
Tan: I wanna be the good guy!
The whole group stares.
Tiff: You're better as a bad girl, Tan.
Tan: (fumes) FINE!
This is how the skit turned out in the end...
Tan: (begins shoplifting)
Van: (touches her) Hey hey! What you doing?
Whole group looks at Tan.
Tan: SHHH NOT SO LOUD LAH! HELP ME STEAL LA! (grabs more things off the shelves)
Khang: Aiyor, your family so poor need to steal mer?
Entire group laughs pathetically. (heh)
Tiff: Come on, Tan, let's get serious. I can't believe you will stoop that low to do this.
Tan: I live by my own rules. I play by my own rules. I take what I want.
Me: Wait. Let me get this straight. You expect to steal that and then walk out of here scot-free? Without consequences?
Sing Yue: (tonelessly) There's a security cam behind you.
Tan: (look scared) So what should I do?
Kai Lun: (motor fast and soft sommore) Why don't you put that back and we'll head over to the arcade for some fun.
Needless to say, we lost.

Then we had the pingpong blowing game. Whereby four ppl are supposed to blow their ping pong balls to their targets while other ppl (me, Khang and Sing Yue) try to kacau them by blowing it anywhere else. So...
Me: One, two, three!
Everyone starts blowing and then Kai Lun yells pathetically.
Kai Lun: WHOI! I HAVEN"T READY YET! YOU PPL AR!
Needless to say the ball didn't hit Kai lun's target. Not even close.
Then...
Me: One, two three!
Everyone blows... then the ball rolls over to Tan's and Van's side. The both of them manage to blow it over to mine and Sing Yue's side. We manage to blow it over to Tiff and Kai Lun's side. They manage to blow it over to Khang Wee. Poor Khang...
Khang Wee blows pathetically at the ball, it refuses to move. Instead it goes nearer to the edge of the table. He blows more and more and everyone refuses to help him. He blows harder and his entire face turns red and then the ball drops off. Everyone laughed like hell.

Then we were supposed to piece a puzzle together. We only had like 3 minutes left..
Tiff: (cellotapes the puzzle perfectly, taking a slow time)
Tan: AIYO! Don't need to be so perfect liao la!
Tiff: Never mind. I want it to be nice...
Whole group: WHO CARES?! JUST SIMPLY TAPE LIAO LAH!
Poor Tiff.

Haha... then we had the Marriage thingy. Where we were taught about Marriage and commitment and stuff.
Counselor: Communication is important. You must not only know how to talk but to listen. Do you know anyone who only knows how to talk?
Me, Noel and Van: (looks at Satnam, eyes narrowing)
Sat: WHAT?!

Yeah well, the course was kind off fun. Well except for the fact that the Internationals asked stupid questions and embarassed the whole lot of us. Like what Tan said, This is what happens when you ask 15 year olds to come for a course like this.

Ah well... life's swell. Hols are coming up and I better get moving. Sayanora!

Pains of growing up

Okay, I think you guys are going to go ballistic when I say the next line.

Just a few minutes ago, I checked out the Trinity College, Monash University and University of Melbourne's home website.

Okay, before you yell at me, let me explain.

Well, you guys know that I want to enter Medicine right?

Yeah, anyway, my dad asked me to check out the entry score for Medicine for both the two Universities above... and since Trinity is a pathway to the Uni of Melb, too.

And I'm doomed guys. I don't think I'll ever be taking Medicine.

You want to know why?

Okay, the entry score for Melbourne Uni from Trinity College is 96. Yes guys, the big whooping NINE SIX. NINETY SIX OUT OF A HUNDRED!!! Who can get so bloody high man? Except for geniues like Aidan! I cannot enter anymore. Sob* I can never dream of getting that high. Sigh* It is near impossible.

And then Monash? HAH! Okay, this one is not so bad as Melb Uni but still... You're supposed to total four of your best subs from your Foundation in Monash... so it's out of 400. And to get into Monash Medicine, you have to get 360! Oh my God! That's like... like... 90 for each paper man! And to get in, you have to get like high marks for Chem and Eng! Lord, I'm doomed. Chem was never good anyway. English... never will dream of getting so bloody high.

Oh wellz... life goes on. I'll enjoy the rest of my childhood first. Sob* Sob* Sob*

We had this NO APOLOGIES talk today. Haha. It's okay la I guess. Anyway, we were divided into 8 teams... I'm team Four. And my group consists of Tiff, Van, Tan, Khang Wee, Sing Yue and Kai Lun. All of us were kinda asleep by the end of the day... well maybe except for Tiff who was still quite alert.

So first off, we watched the No Apologies video. It was kinda sad watching all those teens pour out their regret concerning their crushed dreams because of one mistake.

After the video however...
Tan: *wipes the tears from her eyes and sniffs* That's so sad...
Me: *puzzled* Since when were you so emotional?
Tan: HAH! I"M NOT! *breaks off into raucous laughter*
Yeesh.

Then we had to finish the exercises in the workbook and I'm constantly having my workbook either being snatched away for have ppl peer at my answers. Whatever happened to individuality guys?! LOL

Then we were rating our characters. Like there were diff sections to our character. Like honesty and reponsibility and stuff more la. The section with the highest score is your strongest character. The section with the lowest score is your weakest character. 30 is the full score. If you get 25 onwards, you're strong in their character and you're supposed to keep doing what you do. 20 - 24 is all right but you can improve.

So while we were doing...
1) Kai Lun: Why I everything get 24 one????!!!! Must be something wrong!
2) Tan: WAH! I get 29 for Justice oh! I'm very justice!
Me, Van: You're very what? *blink blink*
Tan: I"M VERY JUSTICE LA!
Me: I think you mean JUST Tan.
Tan: *blinks uncertainly* OH yeah... I'm very JUST.
3) Tan: Eh look eh look. *points excitedly at the back* Look at Mrs Ngu.
The entire group turns to look.
Mrs. Ngu has the No Apologies workbook opened to the same page as ours (the personality rating quiz) and is writing down her answers furiously into a foolscap paper. Her face contorts as she attempts the question.
Sing Yue: Eh, eh, look at her face. Do until so heong.
The entire table laughs making her look up briefly before resuming.
Tan: How hard can the quiz be? I mean come on la... so fast can finish already wad.
Lol...
4) Me: Hey Kim, what's your highest score?
Kim: 29 why?
Me: Nth just wanna know. So what is your strong point?
Kim: I dunno.
Me: But you just said you got 29 for one of them what...
Kim: Yeah, I just calculate I didn't see what my strong point was.
Right...

Then we has this media literacy crash course next. We had to like draw a "kid" and then paste brand products around the kid to portray a media influenced kid. Anyway, it was a competition and everyone was racing against time....
1) We were tearing up mag pages as we went. Cutting like hell. Pasting like hell. Drawing the kid like hell. It was fun man. Our desk was like strewn with papers by the time we were done. We did a lot of ridiculous stuff. Like chop off peoples' bodies to obtain sunglasses and dresses. lol...

Halfway through the competition...
Sarajane falls off the chair AGAIN. However, Colin (the facilitator) was walking behind her and caught her just before she hit the floor. Talk about timely rescue. It was funny though.

Well, the last part of the session was kinda slow and boring. Talking about STDs and stuff. Too factual and boring... LOL So me and Tan were like joking about Cikgu Tan Ah Siang and Mrs. Ngu paktohing because they were sitting so close to each other (at one desk actually!) and they kept whispering to one another!! And at one point, me and Tan turned to stare at them and they stared back at us. We turned back to the talk immediately without hesitation... but still joking about them being naughty and pak tohing. Hahahaha....

Well, tomorrow we have to stay till 6. Hope it's not as boring as that last session though. Tata!

Reminscence

Time flies by so fast.

It seems only like yesterday when I was starting out in Form Four.

And look at me now. I'm on the verge of entering Form Five.

I'm on the verge of leaving school.

You know, the other day, Emma and I were looking at the circular. And we were like looking at the school calender for next year. And there was the date for the last day of school for 2006.

And I went: Hey Emma, you know what? On this date, *jabs date of prize giving day of 2006* we won't even be here.

-Silence-

Emm: *wistfully* Yeah, I guess it's going to be our last prize giving day this year. After this *jabs date* we're going to leave the school for good. And never come back for the school year of 2007.

And when Kim and I were staring at the Form Five individual pics in the sch mag and going: Wow, they all look sooooo good.

-Silence-

Then Kim says: That's going to be us next year.

I take a look at her and go: It's not time for me to grow up and get out of here. But I have to.

I've just come to realize. I just finished my last school final exams. Next year, there won't be any more FOURTH TERM paper. There'll only be the big black words of SIJIL PELAJARAN MALATSIA 2006 staring back at me.

Time passes so fast... Form Four is ending. I don't want it to end. Next year is going to be one hell of a frenzy. Tests, assignments and so on.

I hate this. I want to stay behind. I don't want to grow up. I don't want to leave school and leave all my friends behind. I've grown to know and love my school and all my friends in 13 years.

13 years... I can't believe I've been in Lodge for that long. Since I was barely out of my diapers to where I am today, complete with tie and all. 13 years... it doesn't feel like that long.

I still remember snatching toys from MTYP when I was a kid. I still remember screaming my head off because I was afraid of coming down from the jungle gym right after I climbed up. Lol...

I still remember us playing congkak. I still remember Kim tying up her hair in a fountain. :D I still remember Chin Boon being swung on the doorframe by Cikgu Jiew. :O

I still remember MTYP being accidentally shoved down onto the cement when Kok Ming collided with her so hard that she started bleeding (though I can't remember where she was injured) I remember when the stupid idiot of a bird pooped on my hand when it was in mid-air when I was dutying as a Primary Three prefect.

I still remember UPSR and how I thought I was going to die from the horror. I still remember my first elation when I obtained my first straight As for my first public exam. I still remember Camp Permai and its horrors and joys...

Then time flew... time flew not caring whether I wanted it to or not...

Then it was Form One with all the competition... and all the backstabbing...

Then it was Form Two...

Then it was Form Three... PMR... how I thought life and my studies would never get harder than PMR.

Then the KL trip where we lived and partied non-stop, believing that time and the world would stop for us.

Then Form Four came. I wanted to go back to Form Three. I remember wanting and wanting so much for Form Four to just go away.

And now it finally is. Now it finally is.

One more year, guys, and then I'll have to say goodbye to Lodge for the very last time.

Gawd, I feel like crying. I know I'm a tad too emotional. But I can't help it.

Gawd, gawd, I really feel like crying. One more year then I'll say goodbye to friends I've known since I was in diapers.

Form Five is on its way. Form Four is going to be long gone, dead and buried.

I don't want to grow up. Not just yet. I want to wallow in my memories, just want time to slow down for me until I'm ready to move on.

I want the year 2005 to stay on... until I want 2006 to come.

But then again, life never gives you what you want.

Post exams euphoria

Okay, scratch the fact that I've been getting back test papers today.

And scratch the fact that plenty of the teachers are still gonna bullet train through the syllabus in hopes of finishing it. Which means there'll still be ongoing Add Maths lessons...

And scratch the fact that the euphoria is fading.

But you know what?

For the first time in about three weeks (feels like three years) I wake up from my afternoon rest knowing and knowing that I don't need to study! Yay!

Haha... I'm lame I know.

Well, the Post Exam programmes lined up for the week is pretty good. Am looking forward entirely to it. Whoo!

Saturday - Youth Fellowship! Haven't been going for ages.
Monday - The no apologies thing which means I get to skip lessons.
Tuesday - The no apologies thing again which means I get to skip lessons AGAIN
Wednesday - Watching movie for English!
Friday - English games! Yipee! I get to torture my classmates into running around the sch searching for clues again! Yippee! I'm evil I know...
Tuesday - Prize giving day! End of the sch year of 2005!

Then on the 6th to the 8th I'll be in KK without my parents and with all my wacko friends for a youth leadership course by Planetshakers. Am extremely looking forward to it. I get to live in a five star hotel without my parents' supervision. For the first time!

Plus, the church is belanjaing everything.

Life sure is swell...

Although there is the fact that Form Five starts next year and I am in deep shit.

Oh wellz... I refuse to believe that I can't have fun first.

Let the celebrations begin

Exams are over! Woo hoo! Exams are over!

Let me hear you shout for joy!

Let me hear you say:

EXAMS ARE OVER! THE BLOODY EXAMS ARE OVER!

Now the rest of us can get on with our lives!

Now we can wait for the holidays, the peaceful, fun-loving holidays to come!

Two more days of exams...

Today was terrible.

Exams

I have an unexplained tendency to blog or update my Friendster profile during exams.

Maybe the studying is killing me, almost literally.

Sigh. Exams have been tough. I don't know what I've been writing on my paper for the last five days. Let's see what happened now shall we?

First day of exams, Pendidikan Moral
I didn't learn the bloody cabaran Wawasan 2020. I knew it was going to come out. Somewhere in my gut feeling, I bloody knew. And I didn't study it coz I was busy studying my Bio and my BM for the next day!! Why didn't I learn it?? It was worth like 4 marks or smth!

And I simply scribbled my essay. Just like 5 minutes before time I finished. Is that great or what?

My first question already the stupid nilai get wrong. Sob* What more, I'm not sure whether I got my definisi's entirely correct. Sob*

Second day of exams, English and Sejarah
Okay, English compre was bloody hard. The obj was so so. But I'm not sure about the insurance plan fill in the blank thing. Esp the one with the old ppl insurance or smth. And I just scribbled my summary without identifying the points. Okay, I did identify but I'm not sure whether it's correct. The lit part was so so I guess.

English essay? Don't get me started. I just scribbled the entire essay about exercise. And then for the one point of your own part, I said exercise is fun and interactive. Boy was that stupid. And then, the next essay, I didn't know which to choose. Coz I don't know how to write adverts, my fav mag or comic or ill effects of deforestation. So I chose the story and ended up writing about some cursed girl who ended up dead. And you know what? The entire story is like pointless. I am soo deeadd...

Sejarah? Oh phooey. I didn't learn the agama Hanif part. And also the Zaman Gupta and Maurya part. And the perkembangan seni khat part. And I got the name Naina Hisham wrong! I put Naina HAshIm. Dang dang dang. I'm dead for my essay part. Coz I simply huraikan.

Third day of exams, BM and Sejarah
I wrote crap for my BM rumusan. Dunno how to identify probs and all. All my compre questions just wrote really long crap. I didn't know how to form sentences from the worse given so I just wrote crap. My peribahasa given were all crap also. Overall, a crappy paper.

The BM essay? Actually, this was like okay. Coz I just read the points before going into exam so I can write the long essay. But still, my BM grammar is bad.

Sejarah obj? Okay la. Considering the fact that I just browsed thru the entire Form 4 syllabus.

Fourth day of exams, Add Maths
The killer exams. I am soooo dumb. I rounded up 24.99 to 24.1 How smart can I get? Ish, I was running out of time. Only left like 3 mins so I blatantly wrote 24.1 when I saw my calculator flashing the digits 24.99. And for the undefined thingy? I saw 1 for -1 so that's another one EASY mark gone. And then 3 more marks gone from the stupiak loci thing which I dunno how to do.

The short paper for Add Maths was so so. But I don't dare say yet. Later it comes out even worse.

Fifth day of exams, Maths
It was all right. Though I'm really worried now. Not because the ques were damn hard or smth. But because, I used liquid paper! In front of the paper, were the words, "If you wish to change your answer, neatly CROSS OUT your answer and write it again." And I used blank for half the paper before realizing. Eh come on la. I arrived in the exam hall all wet and sweating. Running all the way from the foyer (where my duty was) back to my class in under one minute. So I didn't read the front page! But if you look at the instructions carefully you'll realize that they did not prohibit the use of blanko right? So I hope my teacher lets me off... besides she never mentioned anything about not using blanko...

Maths obj? Okay la...

Sixth day of exams, EST
Jeng jeng. For my report, sigh, everyone chose marine park. I chose space exploration centre. I am sooo dead. My huraian sucked. And yipee, I bet all my comparisons are also wrong. I say bye bye to 30 marks out of 50. Sob. 60 marks out of 100, sayonora.

EST obj was damn tricky. And I have a tendency to get my EST answers wrong. Sigh.

Gawd. Tomorrow I have Bio. And I can't remember a nut about my Bio. Haven't touched it until now, this morning. Then I'll have Physics. I bet Mr. Chan is gonna set a real hard paper. Then we have Chem. So dead for Chem. Haven't even touched Chap 8 the new chap! The one with polymers!

Aigh... so dead so dead... three more days and the nightmare will be all over.

Three more bloody days... three more bloody days...

It's starting to become a sort of a soothing mantra for me now.

Rain down

Ahh... can't stand it. This song's been stuck in my head all week. And everytime, during exams, when I want to think about smth else, I can't - So now I'm blogging it so that maybe it'll just go away -

I am falling on my knees
I need You Lord to breathe in me
My prayer is still the same
My heart is crying out to You

Sweet anointing fill this place
I am lost in Your embrace

Rain down on me
Rain down on me
Here in Your presence
I am free
Pour down like rain
Come and touch me again
Lord let Your presence fall on me

I am looking now to You
For Your power and Your majesty

Sweet anointing
Wash me over -

Hah. Now hopefully the song will only play in my head when I want it to. Not when I'm having my exams. It's kind of annoying. It's like after I've finished my exams paper and take a break before checking my answers, I try to think about what I've studied the night before or smth. And all I get is this song being played in my head by a full band, complete with drums and cymbals. Gar....

Ah well, Emm is having some sort of the same problem too. Keep on thinking about the song, "Imagine." Haha.

Talking about Emm, I haven't seen her blog for a looooooong time. She had better blog soon man. The blog's just about dying -

Oy, emma! If you're reading this you had better blog something once exams are over!!

Disunited

I seriously can't get it.

I seriously don't get it.

The last three posts I had were depression-loaded ones. And I won't pretend that this one will not be. But in this post, I just want to make some people realize something.

Have you ever felt that the entire Form Four of Lodge School is so disunited?

Extremely, annoyingly, disattisfyingly, disunited?

I mean, 4A and 4B hates 4C explicitly.

Get the picture?

I was naive at times, thinking that perhaps that we would grow out of this childish enemity.

But I was wrong, wasn't I?

The enemity is getting from bad to worse, if it was possible. The enemity is growing larger, creating enormous and impossibly closable gaps between the classes.

The Form Fives are like family. They like each other, fool around with each other, stay united as one. Why can't we be like them?

I don't get it.

Why hate my class? Why hate us? Why hate 4C?

Did we do anything wrong?

Maybe there are some people in the class who may have done harm. But not everyone has. So why hate the ENTIRE class? Why, why and why?

People are getting hurt... The enemity of the form four classes is starting to rear its ugly head in the Prefectorial Board. But thank God, I believe the prefects will and are standing strong, united.

But our classes, will we stay divided forever?

Warning...

Siaw Hui's warning:

Hypocrites, liars and backstabbers beware. You've crossed my path one too many times. And it's about time you learnt the real meaning of friendship. It's about time to get real. It's about time you stop what you're doing.

Watch it. I loathe people who suck up to me and then stab me in the back when it's turned. God knows what you're doing to me. I don't like it one bit and neither does He. So stop doing this to me.

It's the final warning. It's the final statement. One more act of this and you will learn what an angry Siaw Hui really means. You will learn what it means to backstab me.

It's over. You had better learn that the time to stab me is over.

Before it's too late.

I bloody want out

I want out from this.

I just want this thing to end, right here right now.

I want my life to go back to normal.

I want to wake up from this nightmare and believe that I'm safe again.

I want to know why things happen to me like this.

I'm weak, pathetic, I know. I'm not afraid to admit.

I want to go back to my serene life.

I want to run away from all this, no matter what route that has to be taken.

I want to break down and not live behind a facade of composure.

I want to cry my heart out and just lie unconcious till this entire thing ends.

I want to curl up, pretend that I could just disappear into thin air.

I want to be another person, so that I can say, "Siaw Hui, don't worry about it."

I want to lie down, close my eyes and let this all go passing by.

I want this pain, this misery, this hurt, this betrayal to end.

I want the world to stop for me.

I want to know who are my true friends.