Impressions

Oh man.

The holidays are coming to an end.

Right after that we're going to have loads of tests. Exams. Homework. Ah well, what the heck, life's not complete without school for us teens. :P

Wow. Three quarter of the year has passed. And I don't even begin to feel it. It's like I know that I'm in Form Four and yet, it just doesn't seem real. Yeah, funny I know. :P

But I guess it'll really really hit me once the Form Fives take their study leave. Suddenly, I'll start to miss seeing them around. After all, we share the same block. Once they go, I'll only be seeing my form-mates. *shivers* Not that it's bad or anything, it's just that it reminds me that my time to leave is next year. And let's just say, I ain't prepared for it.

You know, this holidays have taught me something valuable.

What you might ask?

Well, I believe I learn a lot about impressions. Impressions that people make about you, impressions that you give others. Sometimes the impressions you make is nice. But sometimes the impressions you make can - well - be utterly wrong.

And that's where misintepretation comes in.

Sigh.

This holidays - no mentioning of names - have really been a time of impressions. Just so you know, some of my youth are leaving, there are new members coming in. And well, it's the prime time to make impressions. Both on those who are still around, on those who are coming in and on those who are leaving.

Problem is, I believe I made wrong impressions, about myself naturally.

Sigh.

I never meant to hurt anyone. Honest, I didn't. But sometimes - as I very well am aware of it - I know that things get outta hand and I get kind of carried away. And in the heat of the moment, I just sometimes - leave the wrong impression on someone.

What wrong impressions?

Trust me. You wouldn't want to know. Seriously, you wouldn't want to know.

Well, a little teaser for you guys if you are that interested. For one, one of the impression I made was one about - hem - a guy. And well, if I'm really lucky - not - that guy might just think that I like him. When I do not. I mean no offence. But hey, I like him a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. And if he gets that impression of me then -

Sigh.

It was just that there was this stupid situation that I got myself in. Then throw in some over-enthusiastic people bent on making wild jokes. And being too sporting for my own good, I join in and then - before you know it the damage is done.

*grimace*

You can ask me, how would I know... mebbe he's not that sensitive. But heck, if he's not paranoid he wouldn't have asked my friend this:

"Hey, how come they suddenly associate me with Siaw Hui?"

Need I say more?

Yikes. And as if that's not bad enough, I got another sucker for you.

I never meant to offend anyone. Never meant to make anyone jealous. Seriously. Never, ever ever. It's just that someone mentions something and then my bestest buddy gets offended. And get this. That something that someone mentions is about me.

And it's a good thing.

Turned really ugly because my friend misinterpreted it.

Well, okay, to explain -

In our youth, we treat each other beyond friends, beyond buddies, beyond pals. As I'm sure my fellow Christian friends would know, the Bible encourages us to treat each other as brothers and sisters in Christ right? Right.

Well, for one, if you read Vanessa's blog, you'll get a hint at what I'm talking about. My whole youth, seriously folks, the whole youth are extremely close, extremely friendly, extremely nice. You can say - we treat each other as real siblings. After all, we are in the church setting, right? Right.

Okay, so you get the setting. The setting where all of us teens call each other "brothers" and "sisters" and treat each other like a real one. Okay, there's nothing freaky about that. In my opinion, it's quite nice to know that you have a "brother" or "sister" you can rely on.

Then the problem starts.

*grimace*

Okay, some "brothers" and "sisters" are closer than others. It's natural right? Even in a family, you get that. It's the same. We are still brothers and sisters. It's just that sometimes you can click with someone better than the other. But the whole concept is still applicable. After all, everyone treats each other like siblings.

So what's the ultimate problem?

Right. The youth leader is an extremely friendly guy who treats everyone like a brother and sister. Ask Vanessa and Jessica, they'll agree with you totally. Now, here comes the hitch.

This guy - who is 8 years older than me by the way so you don't get the wrong impression - has always been one of my closest "brothers" Maybe it's due to the fact that we share a lot of problems together and help each other through it. Maybe it's due to the fact that we laugh at the same ridiculous things. Maybe it's due to the fact that we get along well together.

BUT this guy decides to go and tell one of my friend this:

"You know what? The only person I think truly treats me like a brother and I treat her truly like a sister is Siaw Hui. I mean, the others are cool and all but she's about the only one whom I truly think of as a sister."

And this friend tells my bestest buddy and -

Yeah you got it. She got all offended and affronted. And she told me what this guy said. And she said she was hurt because all along she was treating him as a brother and he never acknowledged her as a sister.

And I try to sort things out.

And I fall flat on my face.

Now she's ranting on and on about how she's always left out of conversations between me and the guy. How he never asks her anything more than, "Are you fine? How's school?" and how he always makes stupid jokes with me.

*whams head down on computer table and closes eyes*

Hey, it's not my fault right? It's not my fault that we click together. And it's not my fault that he said that. Heck, I never told him to say that.

Aigh.

Wrong impressions, can't live with them, can't live without them.

*buries head in hands*

But for once, why can't it be someone else who made the wrong impressions?

For once, why can't it be me who make the right impressions?

I so hate impressions right now.

You Are Loved

Hey guys... found this really nice poem. It's about reminding people that when they're down in life, they will always have someone there for them, always have someone who loves them. And surprisingly, it was my mum who gave it to me. So, here it is.

You are Loved

When the road seems too long
When darkness sets in
When everything turns out wrong
And you can't find a friend
Remember - you are loved

When smiles are hard to come by
And you're feeling down
When you spread your wings to fly
And can't get off the ground
Remember - you are loved

When time runs out before you're through
And it's over before you begin
When little things get to you
And you just can't win
Remember - you are loved

When your loved ones are far away
And you are on your own
When you don't know what to say
When you're afraid of being alone
Remember - you are loved

When your sadness comes to an end
And everything is going right
May you think of your family and friends
And keep their love in sight
A thank-you for being loved

May you see the love around you
In everything you do
And when troubles seem to surround you
May all the love shine through
You are blessed - you are loved

Hiaks. It's a really nice poem. Considering that I'm someone who is not poetic.

Anywayz, I guess this poem means a lot to me. Sometimes when you're feeling down, you feel as if there's no one out there that cares about you - because you've just been hurt over and over again. It sometimes seems as though people hate you for who you are or just simply for your guts. And it seems like everyone is out to get you even if you didn't do anything wrong.

But I guess, like what the poem says, there is always at least one person who cares about what happens to you. Your family for instance and your friends. And God definitely.

So guys, when you're feeling down, remember this poem, or at least remember these words:

You are Loved.

Finally

Finally... some people decided to join the blog.

What more to say that Emmeline bug me to invite her when she already has an account.

Yeesh.

Some people just bring new meaning to the word idiot.

Gyahaha. I know I'm evil, Emm, but what the heck, welcome to the blog.

And Emma, just so you know...

I don't like you.

Hehehe, I'm a little mad tonight.

And where is Kim by the way...

Unpredictable

I'm staring unseeingly into the computer.

Shocked, number, dumbfounded. As if I have gotten struck mute.

I'm staring blankly at my computer screen.

I don't know what to do, my fingers are quivering on the keyboard, my heart is suddenly beating so fast...

Things like this just does not happen to me. Things like this shouldn't happen to me.

My friend's mum has been involved in an accident. And she's a very close friend of mine. I joke with her mum, make crazy chatter and banter.

And now she's lying somewhere in Kuching, involved in an accident bleeding.

I do not want to think about it. I so do not want to think about it.

Today was supposed to be a happy day. Where every teen from my church should be happy, smiling, laughing. We were supposed to play games at church tonight together, making merry for the holidays are here. But now everything just seems so bleak, so lonely, so sad.

I don't know why this has affected me so much. Maybe it's due to the fact that my friend has been friends for me for almost 10 years. Her mum took care of my grandma when she was so sick. For heaven's sakes, my friends mum was a nurse! Why should something so outrageous happen to her?!

Now, my friend's sister (another friend of mine) is sitting in tuition, oblivious to what has happened to her mum. She doesn't know that her mum is bleeding in the middle of Kuching. My friend is trying to control her voice when she told me that she needed my help to look for her aunt. I could her that she was trying to fight back tears. Maybe it isn't that bad as we think, for we don't know the whole truth. But for goodness sakes, if you're bleeding from the head... what more can I say? If you have been involved in an accident and bleed, what can I say? I could hardly control the worry within me when I did reach her aunt by phone.

The holidays have begun, I know. But it was supposed to be on a happy note. Everyone should be making merry, cheerful. I pray and pray, that her mum gets better. The only thing I guess I should be grateful for is that maybe that this hasn't happened to my mum.

And it's only last Sunday, my friend and I were talking about our mums embarassing us. I so want to take that back now. I bet my friend wants to take it back again. I bet we all just want our mums to be healthy even if they embarass us, left right, forward, centre.

I pray... I pray... Lord, please watch over her and heal her. I pray... I pray... just let her be well again. I have no doubt that she will be healthy once more... but please, don't put her family through any more suffering...

Dysfunctional and Desperate

Note to self: Caves do not stink bad. They are just dark, kinda freaky and filled with bat poo.

So, that's lesson number one from my field trip for you.

Well, the field trip was so so I guess. We got lost for two hours on the road. Then we arrived and realized that 4B got lost on the road for three hours. Gyahaha.

So we went to the palm oil mill, had a really good whiff of the the disgusting, repulsive palm oil smell. Note: Have you ever tried squishing the fruit with your fingers? You get this really oily yellow oil on your fingers. And Cherling kept insisting that the bunch of palm oil fruits looked like a bunch of grapes. That is until Cikgu Kenny reprimanded her saying, "You never see grapes before mer? Grapes do not look like that lo." *evil grin*

So after the 4Bs arrived and had their tour, we set off for the Wind Cave. We walked around the cave and sorta jungle trekked for a while. And all of us stepped on bat poo. And some of us *cough* Van *cough* actually touched bat poo coz they touched the railing of the wooden platform. And Muzafar's torch mirror went over the railing and into the jungle, never to be rescued by its master anymore. Oh yeah, and Jeremy sorta slipped and almost fell because the wooden platform was sooooo slippery.

We never made it to the Fairy Caves in the end. But we ended up in Tasik Biru instead. Sat and the other boys were about to touch the lake waters when Ms Teo shrieked (from the bus) "Do not touch the waters!!!!" And Cikgu Kenny actually half-sprinted, half-walked down the steps to the lake waters shore to make sure they didn't touch the waters.

Then we decided to take a little detour into the quaint village of Bau to grab something to eat. The day was bloody hot - I know it was raining heavily in Kuching though - and so almost all of us ordered ABC. We brought in such good business for the hawker stores that some of the hawkers actually came up to us, going, "Do you want Char Kuey Teaw? Laksa? Mee Soup?" And Akmal got really fascinated by this Muslim doughnut-lookalikes.

Well, well, well. Wonder of wonders. I am now currently in the dysfunctional and desperate family called the Deans. It all started with Alison and Akmal. Now we've grown to soooo many members. We have Van and Muz who are like the father of all fathers and the mother of all mothers for the Deans. ;)

Then they have two daughters; the eldest being Alison and the youngest being me. :D :D

Then both Al and I adopted kids. Al adopted Akmal, her annoying brat of a son, and Tania, her annoying brat of a daughter. Heh. Oh, and Akmal is "married" to Celeste, who is filing for a divorce because he annoys her to death.

Oh, then I have two daughters, namely the ever so good as gold, Mtyp and Emmeline. Mtyp had two twins daughters, Mel and Cher. And Emm has Jessica.

Oh yeah, Akmal and Cel are supposed to have two twins too, Kim and Yee Ying. But heck knows what will become of those two innocent kids now that their parents are divorcing. Shame really. *grins grins grins*

So we're supposed to be shipping tycoons originally. But we expanded into different lines of business like hotels, medicine, electronics, cars, timber. It's lame really but it all started when we got lost for two hours on the road yesterday.

Now you know what ppl like us do when we get lost.

Of National Days and a few wackos

Well, for one, today didn't exactly end well.

For one, I think I just died in my Add Maths test. The questions were all right but I had no bloody time to finish it. People, 40 minutes is not enough time for Add Maths test.

For two, I followed Alison to the toilet and heard her puke. Poor girl. She suddenly saw bright lights before her eyes when we were doing the Maths test and felt so sick. Cikgu Jong asked me to follow her to toilet. I did, and I heard her puke. And it so reminded me of when I decided to puke all over myself when I was little.

Get well soon, Alison.

For three, I have found myself in the narrator role in the Moral Merdeka thingy. And it's all thanks to Akmal, the self-proclaimed Mafia King. But people, it's worth to note that his Mafia gang hates him and purposely does the opposite of what he commands. Good on you Mafia gang!

Yeah, so yeah, my life's like that. Actually, the Moral thing isn't coming out that bad la. Well everything is fine and dandy except for me having to be the narrator and stand in front of a million pair of eyes that watch my every move and every -

Okay, moving along.

It's really funny. The Moral drama thing we're performing on Merdeka day. There's like Muzafar who's deciding whether he wanna join the good guys or bad guys. And you have these good guys and bad guys tugging on him to join their side. And it's so violent I can actually imagine seeing Muzafar being ripped from limb to limb.

Well too bad, the Moral teacher cancelled out that particular violent part. Heh.

But still, you have Akmal, the self-proclaimed Mafia King. And it's just because he has a red tie. And his Mafia gang, consisting of Jeremy, Noel, Sat, Cher, Alison and Emm is constantly disobeying him. Whenever he asks them to beat up someone, they end up beating him up instead. Whenever he asks them to protect him from a fight, they end up shoving him right into the front lines of the battle instead.

Talk about being a pushover leader.

Oh yeah, and I remember Aidan hiding in the curtains on the stage. I was going backstage after my narrating and I saw two eyes peeping out at me. So I just stand and stare. Then Aidan quips,

"See no evil. Hear no evil. Speak no evil."

Gosh, that's pretty lame. Especially the way he swooshed back into his hiding place in the curtains after saying that.

And you should see the really "epic" (Note the inverted commas) battle at the end. Where the good guys and bad guys bertarung. And where all the bad guys die.

And at one point, Sat forgot that he had to die. So when Noel got "shot", Sat came dashing out from the curtains and went,

"Noel, oh Noel, don't die on us! Please don't die on us! This cruel world! How can you leave the world like this?!"

And that is the point where the Moral teacher begins to yell at Sat to get down on the floor and play dead too.

Oh yeah, and this really weird thing happened in Chem today. Everyone started breaking stuff. It's like this whole chain of people, starting with me.

Okay, first I break the connective tube. I actually snapped it in half accidentally when i was washing it. Seconds later, Cherling breaks the same thing. Seconds later, Cel broke a test tube while washing. And she was boasting that her group never broke anything.

Cel: (while washing test tube) Eh, our group never break anything before even if we're so careless.
Cel: (continues washing) I mean like our group really never break -
The test tube slips out of her hand and breaks in the sink.

After Cel broke the test tube, Noel broke a boiling tube while washing too.

I bet Cikgu Kenny must be pretty happy. The Chem Lab made a whole lot of bucks today. :D :D

Oh and Lionel decided to place a really huge fake spider on Kim's head just to spook her at lunch. And Kim didn't even realize it till it slipped off her head. Then, she just stared at the spider and it took her one second before she finally screamed. And when she screamed, she didn't even edge away from the spider. She just stood and screamed her head off.

Damn. Pity I missed that whole thing.

And you know what's really funny about Kim? She actually thought that I was the one who placed the spider on her head. When throughout the whole lunch, I was upstairs having a prefect meeting in the library.

Wow, I didn't know I could teleport.

Whoo! We're going on a field trip tomorrow! We're going to caves and a factory...

Although I just hope the caves don't stink that bad.

Surreal

When you were born, you cried for the world. Live your life so that when you die, the whole world cries for you.

But what I'm thinking is, What if you never got the chance to live the life you wanted to live?

What if you didn't live life fully?

What if you never got a second chance at life?

What if your life just... went?

Okay, thoughts again, people. Bear with me. The laughter is coming soon. But well, guys, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. The bad bad bad news that happened today. The bad bad bad news that someone just... went away.

It hits me so hard when someone told me the news. Although I don't know that someone, I can feel for his relatives. The grief, the sorrow, the pain. I can imagine them spilling buckets and buckets of tears. But you know what? No matter what anyone does, that person's life has just ... gone. Not to return anymore.

It just seems so surreal. Things like this don't happen in everyday life. Yet it does. Life is so short and it's times like this that it really makes you think about what life really is. If you chased after your dreams, obtained your lifetime dream job... what do you get in the end? What do you get if your life just ... went?

Okay, enough bad news. Time for laughing.

Whole of yesterday, we girls were playing police and thieves. The whole thing started because half my class went for AMC. So, Elane, Yee Ying, Kim, Emm, Alison, Cel, Tan, Van, Cher,Noel and me started playing Police and Thieves. Out of boredom. We got so hooked that we played it again today. Today's players were all of the above with the addition of Sjane, MTYP and Mel.

So rules of the games first. There were two thieves and one police. The police has to announce herself to the entire community of citizens and thieves. Within three minutes, the two thiefs had to kill two ppl or fail. The thieves kill by winking. So, fine, I became the timer as I was kepo and was wearing a watch. First funny thing to happen...

After two and a half minutes have passed...
Me: (looking around at the others) Oi, half more minute before you... (words trail off)
I catch Tania's eye and immediately she winks
Me: Forget it man, I'm dead.

Me: (look over at Yee Ying and start giggling) Hee hee...
Yee Ying winks naughtily.
I drop dead.

Emm: (catches my eye and winks so huge)
Me: (raises a hand) I'm dead
Tan, Cel and Ying: MINI IS THE THIEF!
Emm: (blank) How you know?

Me: (peer down at Sjane who is sitting on the floor) Are you feeling comfor..
Sjane winks quickly and swings away.
Me: I just died.
Maybe I should just stop asking ppl questions la.

Oh yeah and what's really funny is that Cherling always gets killed first. So in one game where she didn't get killed at all...
Me(who's the police): The thief is Cherling
Cher: How you know?
Cel: Duh, you didn't get killed.

One time when me and Mel were thieves...
I wink at Emmeline who drops dead.
Mel swings around in her chair and winks, causing the three who saw it (Cher, Tan and Cel) to drop dead immediately.
And that wasnt even one minute into the game.

Oh and there's this rule that thieves should not kill one another. But in case they do, both thieves won't drop dead. But there are occasions when the thieves decide to kill each other...
1) Emm and Noel are both thieves..
Emm winks at Noel.
Noel stares blatantly back.
Emm winks again.
Noel raised his eyebrow, trying to tell Emm that he's also a thief.
Emm winks desperately.
Noel burst out laughing and Emm starts laughing too.
The whole crowd: MINI AND NOEL! THIEVES!
2) Tan and Cel are thieves...
Tan and Cel sit down immediately after putting their lots back...
Cel decides to wink at Tan.
Tan bursts out laughing and whisper: I'm your gang la.
Both burst out laughing.

When I notice that all the prefects in the gang were killed on the first day we played...
Me: Van and Emm dead har? Wahliu, this thieve quite smart. Kill all the prefects.
Tan: Yealar, quick liao, kill the Head Girl also. Then no more prefects.
The whole crowd laughs while I go red.

There was one round that we didn't know who the police was...
Me, being the thief decides to wink at Yee Ying.
Yee Ying raises one eyebrow.
I wink again then swing away, expecting her to drop dead.
I catch Yee Ying's eye. She's laughing her head off and her eyebrows are going up and down.
Then she wags her finger disapprovingly and points an accusing finger at me.
It is then I realized I just tried to kill the police.
Boy, what a lousy thief I am.

At one point when Kim was the police and I was the thief during the first day...
I took a huge risk and tried to kill Noel, who was just sitting next to Kim.
I wink at Noel.
Noel swings away at that moment, saying, 'Oi, kill me liao!'
Frustrated, I turn away and wink at Yee Ying instead who obediently drops dead.
I turn back again and attempt another wink at Noel.
Noel: I think I'm dead.
Me: (sarcastically) Oh really? You think so?
Everyone caught the sarcasm except Kim.
Noel: Yeah, I think I'll go with dead.
Kim: I know who's the thief!
She proceeds to guess all the names except mine.
Tan: (irritated) Aiyoh you blind woman! Your best friend is the thief la!
Kim: You mean Siaw Hui?
The whole crowd: DUH!

Haha... funny funny. Kim is so blur sometimes. But well, she puts the fun in everything. *grins*