Lessons Learnt
You know what all those people say: You pick up lessons when you go on life's way.
And me, yes like all the other ordinary people out there, have learnt my lessons. Yes siree I have. Most of the lessons that I learnt here are mainly lessons I've learnt at my own expense; eg. getting laughed at and embarassed. And I'm only relating them to you because I laughed at myself when I think back on those times and so that you won't make the same mistake I did.
Anyway, here goes what I've learnt in the past few weeks.
Siaw Hui's lessons
1) Never ever EVER doubt what the air stewardess say because if you do, you end up in big big trouble.
Air stewardess: (during the routine safety announcement in the flight) You can find the life jacket below your seat.
Brother: Hey, you know they always say that but you never know whether they tell the truth or not.
Me: (stupidly) Yealar. Let's check whether ours got or not.
Both of us scuffle around in our seats and reach below our seats. I manage to pull out my life jacket but my brother's is jammed.
Me: (triumphantly) HAH! I got!
Brother: Whatever.
We stare at the life jacket in my hands and I attempt to put it back into its normal place but I fail.
Me and brother: Uh oh. Cannot put back liao. How ler?
The life jacket ends up being dumped into the pocket in front of me.
2) Michael apparently thinks history is just another fiction story...
Me: (while car passes through Jalan Song) Eh what's that park there with that statue? Who's it supposed to be?
Ruth: Laksamana Cheng Ho.
She, Rebecca and Rachael burst out laughing.
Me: (puzzled) What's so funny about that?
Ruth: (snorts) When we told Michael that that was Laksamana Cheng Ho, he said, "Issit? I never knew he existed..."
3) Little kids are extremely EXTREMELY gullible...
Little kid: (on the tour bus in China talks to the tour guide) Eh how come I didn't see you at the cultural show at the Shenzhen Cultural Village?
Tour guide: (senses a chance to trick the kid and pretends to be shocked) Really you didn't?
Little kid: Yes, I tried and tried to see you but you weren't there.
Tour guide: Aiyah you must look more carefully la.
Little kid: But really you weren't there!!
Tour guide: Aiyah, that's because I was performing on stage bah.
I can't stand and burst out laughing. Tour guide turns around and he gives me a little conspirational wink.
Little kid: Sure or not? Didn't see you on stage either!!
Tour guide: Got wan. You remember got one dancer that was flying? That was me. And you remember got another skinny one prancing around? That's the other tour guide. (points at colleague)
Little kid: (oggly eyed) Wahhhh you so good.
Tour guide: (tries hard not to laugh) Tonight at the other show you're going to watch, I'm going to dance too.
This time I laugh till I cried.
4) Mums become extremely blur when you go on holidays with them...
First incident...
Me: (tastes the honey that has been taken out together with a little wax straight from bee hive) Wow, the honey is so sweet!
Mum: Wow, the wax is not bad to eat eh!
Me: ...
Second incident...
Mum's friend: (after a splendid cultural show that involves dancing and singing) Do you want to go 'sing song'? (Note: In Mandarin 'sing song' means going to have a pee... In Mandarin it's chang ge)
Mum: (completely misunderstands) Yeah! The singing was terrific and the dancers were wonderful! The show was super fantastic!
Me and mum's friend: ...
5) Never EVER fall on ping pong tables because not only will you end up having to nail the entire broken table back but you will also sustain a back ache that tortures you.
6) When SOME inconsiderate people try to shove you OR push you OR step on your foot OR jostle you when you are lining up for immigration, the most effective way to get rid of them is to roll your trolley bag over their sore feet in retaliation. It will clear the way for you, trust me.
7) Never EVER get involved in a Kelabit language conversation especially when those said Kelabits involved are your friends who like pulling your leg...
Zoe: Agan, do you know how to speak Kelabit?
Agan continues drinking his water.
Me: (cuts in) Zoe, you know how to?
Zoe: (grins evilly and gabbles something in Kelabit)
Agan: (chokes on water and snorts into his cup)
Me: What? WHAT? Repeat!!
Zoe: (grins even MORE evilly and repeats)
Agan: (sets down his cup and laughs even louder)
Me: What? What? What did you say about me?!!
Agan: (grins evilly) She said something about your hair.
Me: (glares at him) I don't trust that look on your face.
Michael comes along.
Me: Mike, you know Kelabit. Tell me what Zoe's saying.
Michael: Okay.
Zoe: (repeats again)
Michael: (burst out laughing together with Agan and Zoe)
Me: (storms off in a fury)
Till today I don't know what the heck they were saying.
8) Never EVER cough in the Hong Kong airport especially with this bird flu crisis because once you do, all those immigration officers will look at you suspiciously immediately.
9) Don't act like a sakai when you see that there's inflight entertainment on your flight because it just might turn out that in the ultimate end, the inflight entertainment does not become your entertainer at all because THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO WATCH!!!
10) Never EVER stop at a counter selling jewellery in China or Hong Kong without your parents, because the moment you stop at a particular piece of it and start showing interest, a whole hoarde of sales girls will ambush you and start gabbling away in Mandarin to which, if you're a banana person like me, you can only reply, "Wo kan kan er yi." (I'm just looking.) Even then, they'll continue hounding you like a hawk does its prey.
11) Out of 48 channels in China, there is only ONE miserable pathethic ONE channel that is in English and that if you want to keep yourself entertained with the TV, you'll have to endure naked baboons flashing their red ugly butts across the screen as they run like silly monkeys. Oh wait, they are. :P
Well I guess that's about it.
Lost in these haunting thoughts of mine... I'm musing... I'm watching... I'm doubting...
And me, yes like all the other ordinary people out there, have learnt my lessons. Yes siree I have. Most of the lessons that I learnt here are mainly lessons I've learnt at my own expense; eg. getting laughed at and embarassed. And I'm only relating them to you because I laughed at myself when I think back on those times and so that you won't make the same mistake I did.
Anyway, here goes what I've learnt in the past few weeks.
Siaw Hui's lessons
1) Never ever EVER doubt what the air stewardess say because if you do, you end up in big big trouble.
Air stewardess: (during the routine safety announcement in the flight) You can find the life jacket below your seat.
Brother: Hey, you know they always say that but you never know whether they tell the truth or not.
Me: (stupidly) Yealar. Let's check whether ours got or not.
Both of us scuffle around in our seats and reach below our seats. I manage to pull out my life jacket but my brother's is jammed.
Me: (triumphantly) HAH! I got!
Brother: Whatever.
We stare at the life jacket in my hands and I attempt to put it back into its normal place but I fail.
Me and brother: Uh oh. Cannot put back liao. How ler?
The life jacket ends up being dumped into the pocket in front of me.
2) Michael apparently thinks history is just another fiction story...
Me: (while car passes through Jalan Song) Eh what's that park there with that statue? Who's it supposed to be?
Ruth: Laksamana Cheng Ho.
She, Rebecca and Rachael burst out laughing.
Me: (puzzled) What's so funny about that?
Ruth: (snorts) When we told Michael that that was Laksamana Cheng Ho, he said, "Issit? I never knew he existed..."
3) Little kids are extremely EXTREMELY gullible...
Little kid: (on the tour bus in China talks to the tour guide) Eh how come I didn't see you at the cultural show at the Shenzhen Cultural Village?
Tour guide: (senses a chance to trick the kid and pretends to be shocked) Really you didn't?
Little kid: Yes, I tried and tried to see you but you weren't there.
Tour guide: Aiyah you must look more carefully la.
Little kid: But really you weren't there!!
Tour guide: Aiyah, that's because I was performing on stage bah.
I can't stand and burst out laughing. Tour guide turns around and he gives me a little conspirational wink.
Little kid: Sure or not? Didn't see you on stage either!!
Tour guide: Got wan. You remember got one dancer that was flying? That was me. And you remember got another skinny one prancing around? That's the other tour guide. (points at colleague)
Little kid: (oggly eyed) Wahhhh you so good.
Tour guide: (tries hard not to laugh) Tonight at the other show you're going to watch, I'm going to dance too.
This time I laugh till I cried.
4) Mums become extremely blur when you go on holidays with them...
First incident...
Me: (tastes the honey that has been taken out together with a little wax straight from bee hive) Wow, the honey is so sweet!
Mum: Wow, the wax is not bad to eat eh!
Me: ...
Second incident...
Mum's friend: (after a splendid cultural show that involves dancing and singing) Do you want to go 'sing song'? (Note: In Mandarin 'sing song' means going to have a pee... In Mandarin it's chang ge)
Mum: (completely misunderstands) Yeah! The singing was terrific and the dancers were wonderful! The show was super fantastic!
Me and mum's friend: ...
5) Never EVER fall on ping pong tables because not only will you end up having to nail the entire broken table back but you will also sustain a back ache that tortures you.
6) When SOME inconsiderate people try to shove you OR push you OR step on your foot OR jostle you when you are lining up for immigration, the most effective way to get rid of them is to roll your trolley bag over their sore feet in retaliation. It will clear the way for you, trust me.
7) Never EVER get involved in a Kelabit language conversation especially when those said Kelabits involved are your friends who like pulling your leg...
Zoe: Agan, do you know how to speak Kelabit?
Agan continues drinking his water.
Me: (cuts in) Zoe, you know how to?
Zoe: (grins evilly and gabbles something in Kelabit)
Agan: (chokes on water and snorts into his cup)
Me: What? WHAT? Repeat!!
Zoe: (grins even MORE evilly and repeats)
Agan: (sets down his cup and laughs even louder)
Me: What? What? What did you say about me?!!
Agan: (grins evilly) She said something about your hair.
Me: (glares at him) I don't trust that look on your face.
Michael comes along.
Me: Mike, you know Kelabit. Tell me what Zoe's saying.
Michael: Okay.
Zoe: (repeats again)
Michael: (burst out laughing together with Agan and Zoe)
Me: (storms off in a fury)
Till today I don't know what the heck they were saying.
8) Never EVER cough in the Hong Kong airport especially with this bird flu crisis because once you do, all those immigration officers will look at you suspiciously immediately.
9) Don't act like a sakai when you see that there's inflight entertainment on your flight because it just might turn out that in the ultimate end, the inflight entertainment does not become your entertainer at all because THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO WATCH!!!
10) Never EVER stop at a counter selling jewellery in China or Hong Kong without your parents, because the moment you stop at a particular piece of it and start showing interest, a whole hoarde of sales girls will ambush you and start gabbling away in Mandarin to which, if you're a banana person like me, you can only reply, "Wo kan kan er yi." (I'm just looking.) Even then, they'll continue hounding you like a hawk does its prey.
11) Out of 48 channels in China, there is only ONE miserable pathethic ONE channel that is in English and that if you want to keep yourself entertained with the TV, you'll have to endure naked baboons flashing their red ugly butts across the screen as they run like silly monkeys. Oh wait, they are. :P
Well I guess that's about it.
Lost in these haunting thoughts of mine... I'm musing... I'm watching... I'm doubting...
posted by *~siaw hui~* at 5:50 PM
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