Help?!
I... I seriously don't know what to think anymore.
I threw myself into work from 10 in the morning till 5 in the afternoon but it still doesn't take this feeling of utter bewilderment away.
The feeling's still there, the feeling's still haunting me. The thoughts... are still reigning in my mind whenever I'm not thinking about work, whenever I let my mind wander freely...
Tell me, help me...
Is it possible for someone to still admire you and like you for who you are on the inside and not on the outside? Is it possible for someone to look past that outer self and into your very heart and like you for what they see within you? Is it possible for someone to be able to see past all that hideousness of mine and accept me for who I am? Is it possible?
Yeah sure, you can say, there are people who do that. But those people are in the minority.
Fate can intervene but not be so lucky. The chance is there but not probable.
And yet... can someone I know be in that minority?
I'm half out of my mind, ranting my heart out like this.
Dreams represent what one desires. So, if I have a dream about something for three consecutive nights, does it mean I desire that to come to pass? Because as far as my brain tells me, I know I don't want to be thinking about that right now and certainly don't want it. But my heart's intentions are far worse off and far harder to read and to figure out...
Tell me, help me...
Can someone still, still respect you, look up to you, admire you and like you even if they've seen you at the lowest of the low of your life. Even if they've heard you rant on and on about your crushed hopes, dreams and all problems, insignificant it seems to them. Even if you, at that point in your life, rely on them to give you advice and long for them to listen. Even if they've seen you break down countless times and cry your soul out. Even if you fling problems at them until the next time you open your mouth and sigh, they immediately leap to their feet and go, "Wuh oh. Problem again?"
Can someone still accept you and like you eventhough they've seen you act like you're half out of your mind? Can someone still accept you eventhough they've seen you cry and bawl like a newborn baby? Can someone still accept you eventhough they've seen you frown and mourn almost every single time for countless days? Can someone still like you even though you've proven countless of times that you're a pathetic and weak fledgling? Can they, can they?
My mind's spinning round and round. Days and weeks are coming together as one, forcing me to have my sense of time disoriented. Throughout this entire post, it's my heart doing the talking... at least that's what I think so.
I used to be so sure what I wanted in my life. In fact, I have my entire life planned out. I used to be so sure in making (usually right) decisions. I used to be sure about everything.
But now, everything is disintegrating. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I desire. I don't know what I long for. And worst of all, I don't know what's going on. And for the crowning glory, I don't know what I'll do if I'm confronted with that... that... problem and decision if my gut feeling is right...
It all started when I saw that nickname.
If I'm right... if I'm bloody right... if that nick represents what I think it is, my life might be changed. Big time.
For the first time in my life, I don't know what to do, I'm not certain whether I want that to happen...
Help...........
I threw myself into work from 10 in the morning till 5 in the afternoon but it still doesn't take this feeling of utter bewilderment away.
The feeling's still there, the feeling's still haunting me. The thoughts... are still reigning in my mind whenever I'm not thinking about work, whenever I let my mind wander freely...
Tell me, help me...
Is it possible for someone to still admire you and like you for who you are on the inside and not on the outside? Is it possible for someone to look past that outer self and into your very heart and like you for what they see within you? Is it possible for someone to be able to see past all that hideousness of mine and accept me for who I am? Is it possible?
Yeah sure, you can say, there are people who do that. But those people are in the minority.
Fate can intervene but not be so lucky. The chance is there but not probable.
And yet... can someone I know be in that minority?
I'm half out of my mind, ranting my heart out like this.
Dreams represent what one desires. So, if I have a dream about something for three consecutive nights, does it mean I desire that to come to pass? Because as far as my brain tells me, I know I don't want to be thinking about that right now and certainly don't want it. But my heart's intentions are far worse off and far harder to read and to figure out...
Tell me, help me...
Can someone still, still respect you, look up to you, admire you and like you even if they've seen you at the lowest of the low of your life. Even if they've heard you rant on and on about your crushed hopes, dreams and all problems, insignificant it seems to them. Even if you, at that point in your life, rely on them to give you advice and long for them to listen. Even if they've seen you break down countless times and cry your soul out. Even if you fling problems at them until the next time you open your mouth and sigh, they immediately leap to their feet and go, "Wuh oh. Problem again?"
Can someone still accept you and like you eventhough they've seen you act like you're half out of your mind? Can someone still accept you eventhough they've seen you cry and bawl like a newborn baby? Can someone still accept you eventhough they've seen you frown and mourn almost every single time for countless days? Can someone still like you even though you've proven countless of times that you're a pathetic and weak fledgling? Can they, can they?
My mind's spinning round and round. Days and weeks are coming together as one, forcing me to have my sense of time disoriented. Throughout this entire post, it's my heart doing the talking... at least that's what I think so.
I used to be so sure what I wanted in my life. In fact, I have my entire life planned out. I used to be so sure in making (usually right) decisions. I used to be sure about everything.
But now, everything is disintegrating. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I desire. I don't know what I long for. And worst of all, I don't know what's going on. And for the crowning glory, I don't know what I'll do if I'm confronted with that... that... problem and decision if my gut feeling is right...
It all started when I saw that nickname.
If I'm right... if I'm bloody right... if that nick represents what I think it is, my life might be changed. Big time.
For the first time in my life, I don't know what to do, I'm not certain whether I want that to happen...
Help...........
posted by *~siaw hui~* at 5:58 PM
11 Comments:
hurmmm...seems like you're going through some tough times now O.o Well, yes it IS possible for all those things, that is love. Crushes come and go and they do not last because they all began with a pretty or handsome face. It takes more than that for crushes to evolve into something deeper.
So what if those kind of ppl are a minority? Isn't it more meaningful if they are? Aren't they more special? And when we finally have them close to us, we will appreciate them a hell lot more than those typical, common majority. come to think of it, when it comes to dating, girls say 'I just want a nice guy..'. Then why issit that they swoon for jerks who act cool and look oh-so-handsome while nice guys are overlooked and labelled as 'too nice' for a relationship.
And about what you want, siaw? You typed it out urself without realising it. You want someone who can see past all that 'hideousness of yours', or so you say, and accept you for who you are. You just don't know what to do. Do you continue to sit back, watch and wait till something happens again? well..whatever it is, it's all up to u.
tsk tsk..You have to get out more, siaw so that these weird questions don't keep haunting you. Pondering over the same thing till it kills you,....ugh..trust me, I've been there. and the nickname, bah, i don't even know what it is so i can't comment on that.
And like you said in your LOVE post, it feels great to be loved but it feels greater to love. haha, ahhh welllll...just me and my ramblings :)
oh hell, that was a long post..
im not sure but i heard that dreams show u wad u r trying to supress. either way still almost the same. at least 4 me. lol. jk. im not sure wad to say siaw. sorry. advices arent my department. especially when involves romance. lol. if u be thinkin nonstop bout sum1 work wont help. trust me. mebbe watch a movie that u like. n yes. ppl can still look up 2 u even though u went down. coz it dont matter how u fell. its how u got back up. not sure wad im saying. gd luck. wad hideousness? lol.
aww guys you're the greatest.
hell, what made you think that it's a guy i'm talking about?
Lol, geez!
And vann... about what I want, I believe what you just said suffices for me in the future. But at this current moment... not sure. AHAHA
And noel... prob the problem will go away if i work hard. somehow i know it won't but heck i will try anyway.
And guys, come to think of it, this doesn't work between two opposite sexes. I mean, it doesn't go like guy likes girl coz of beauty. but if you come to think about it, it works for superficial friends. like, girls hang out with pretty girls so they can get popular even though pretty girl is mean. Yeah, get the pic?
So... as I was saying, what makes you think I'm talking about a guy?
I might be talking about a superficial airhead friend of mine out there.
;)
it just gives that sorta feel :D
girls hanging out with pretty girls? Not always. puh! You see, I get stuck with Jessica and she's a monster. :P That wasn't meant as an insult.
I hang out with those who are considerate and would make good friends. It is only after knowing them a lil better do I see their inner beauty and that is when I am proud to say that my female friend is beautiful. To tell you the truth, I'm kinda cautious of hanging out with pretty girls. -.-"
Me thinks its a guy because most girls do not care about looks of another girlnot much as boys do. Those are the typical girl whom I call b******. Sorry bout the language. Most girl friends are caring and they WILL stick with you and accept you even in your lowest moments. It just becomes strange if a guy does this to you, and thus, your questions. Get my point? :)
hehee
ahhh i see.
argh, can't get this out of my head. mebbe it'll go away... mebbe it'll go away...
the hassle ain't that big. i mean it's not like life changing or world changing and the person in question isn't even around in kch...
but... but... aigh, i dunno... wait i know. i'll work this all out of my system... i'm going to work from day to night tomorrow and when i fall asleep i won't think about it anymore, won't listen to my heart's wrong intentions...
i'm confused. y on earth would u wan to hang out with preety girls (if ur a gal) to be pop? wont it be easier to hang out with ugly ones so ppl c they compare then u look better? if with preety gal u bcom plain in comparision. waaaahhh. so confusing. all of u r makin my non-existent brain short circuit. LOL . i like eggs.
haha... i hate eggs!
And what I'm trying to say is that girls usually hang out wif pretty girls coz pretty girls are popular. thereby if you hang out with pretty girls you'll be popular and become in the "in" crowd.
... more confused. never mind lah. lalalala. i like half boiled eggs. with soy sauce. i think i'll eat 5 more for my 2am snack. lol
i hate eggs! End of story.
haha emm... in light of a recent event this problem that i thought would haunt me is far buried and done with.
although... the person in question is flying back veryyy soon...
Post a Comment
<< Home