The Dream
I'm feeling extremely sleepy right now.
And I've never been more confused in my entire life.
I've been thinking a lot about myself lately (not as in selfish) but I've been exploring myself as it is. I know I don't make sense right now to you. But if you've read one of my earlier posts, you will know that I'm currently in a dilemma because at this point in life, both my brain and my heart are at war. They both want different things and I don't know which to follow. My brain's intentions are clear but my heart's... like what I said earlier in my blog, is hard to read and hard to interpret. As a result, I don't know what I'm feeling right now.
All I know is that I'm feeling completely lost, confused and dazed.
I don't know what I'm feeling right now. My entire body is battling it out and I fell ill a couple of days ago. So my immunity is currently low and yet my feelings and thoughts are at war with each other again.
Please bear with me. I know I'm not making sense but this is what happens to a girl who spent her time in China and Hong Kong and Macau staring listlessly out of the bus window when everyone is listening to the tour guide just because she's trying to figure out her feelings. And also because the tour guide is speaking in Mandarin and she's a banana girl. ;)
Anyway, I had a totally weird dream that repeated itself when I was on tour in China. Now how many times have you heard about a girl who has repeated dreams in the space of three days? None right? That's why I said I've been staring listlessly out of the bus window during the entire window unless I am surrounded by company and talking to them or having meals or looking at scenery. Because through all these I forget the problems I'm in. And because of this character of mine; my character of not wanting to show the real state that I'm going through at that point in time, people think I'm fine and dandy when I'm torn and confused inside. I'm good at putting up facades. After all, isn't that what the world is good at doing?
Anyway, I'll stop my babbling. I won't relate to you my dream because it's too personal. Hmm... Van's blog says that it's good to keep a dream journal and I'm going to start one of my own with this dream topping it. You can ask me for a look at it and maybe or maybe not you can look at it. Like I said, it's personal and besides, most of you don't know what's the problem. :P
The first time I dreamt this particular dream was when I was sleeping at night in a hotel in Ju Hai in Southern China. The images weren't really clear and the conversation was blurred. But I could roughtly guess who was who. I woke up at 4.30 that morning with smth nagging at the back of my mind. Then I fell asleep again and woke up at 5.30. Slept and woke at 6.30. Morning call was 7 so I never bothered to try sleeping again. I knew something was wrong with my brain and something was tugging at my heart but I couldn't place it in my drowsiness of the night.
Then on the trip from Guangzhou to Shen Zhen; both in Southern China too, I fell asleep in the bus admist a really annoying marathon of so-much-more-irritating-than-lovely Cantonese love songs. Sorry mtyp and Joyce and Cas and whoever else I hurt by saying that. But trust me, it's all those old old soap opera types that I think even you dislike. :P
Anyway, I fell asleep. I'm still surprised at the way I managed to eventhough I kept thinking I would not be able to because of the annoying tunes eventhough I was sleepy like anything. Anyway, the dream came again. Clearer and sharper images shooting through my brain and the conversation was as clear as a bell. When I woke up, I was beyond shocked and surprised. Not only was that the weirdest dream I had ever had but it was concerning the weirdest thing also. Something I had never thought about before and certainly not want to feel in fear of jeopardizing something I hold dearly...
What do you do...
When your heart is telling you something and your mind is telling you something else...
What do you do...
When you feel all torn up inside and you feel just so lost...
What do you do...
When all the world thinks you're fine but when you're actually not...
What do you do...
When you feel like you want to explode because of the pressure building inside of you...
What do you do...
When you feel like you're an insipid fool and someone unworthy of something far greater than you...
What do you do...
When you have to constantly put on a happy facade just to hide the bubbling emotions within you...
What do you do...
When you so badly want to contain yourself from feeling a certain way...
What do you do...
When you are faced with a decision to make and no one is there to help you through it...
What do you do... what do you do...
What do you do??!!
And I've never been more confused in my entire life.
I've been thinking a lot about myself lately (not as in selfish) but I've been exploring myself as it is. I know I don't make sense right now to you. But if you've read one of my earlier posts, you will know that I'm currently in a dilemma because at this point in life, both my brain and my heart are at war. They both want different things and I don't know which to follow. My brain's intentions are clear but my heart's... like what I said earlier in my blog, is hard to read and hard to interpret. As a result, I don't know what I'm feeling right now.
All I know is that I'm feeling completely lost, confused and dazed.
I don't know what I'm feeling right now. My entire body is battling it out and I fell ill a couple of days ago. So my immunity is currently low and yet my feelings and thoughts are at war with each other again.
Please bear with me. I know I'm not making sense but this is what happens to a girl who spent her time in China and Hong Kong and Macau staring listlessly out of the bus window when everyone is listening to the tour guide just because she's trying to figure out her feelings. And also because the tour guide is speaking in Mandarin and she's a banana girl. ;)
Anyway, I had a totally weird dream that repeated itself when I was on tour in China. Now how many times have you heard about a girl who has repeated dreams in the space of three days? None right? That's why I said I've been staring listlessly out of the bus window during the entire window unless I am surrounded by company and talking to them or having meals or looking at scenery. Because through all these I forget the problems I'm in. And because of this character of mine; my character of not wanting to show the real state that I'm going through at that point in time, people think I'm fine and dandy when I'm torn and confused inside. I'm good at putting up facades. After all, isn't that what the world is good at doing?
Anyway, I'll stop my babbling. I won't relate to you my dream because it's too personal. Hmm... Van's blog says that it's good to keep a dream journal and I'm going to start one of my own with this dream topping it. You can ask me for a look at it and maybe or maybe not you can look at it. Like I said, it's personal and besides, most of you don't know what's the problem. :P
The first time I dreamt this particular dream was when I was sleeping at night in a hotel in Ju Hai in Southern China. The images weren't really clear and the conversation was blurred. But I could roughtly guess who was who. I woke up at 4.30 that morning with smth nagging at the back of my mind. Then I fell asleep again and woke up at 5.30. Slept and woke at 6.30. Morning call was 7 so I never bothered to try sleeping again. I knew something was wrong with my brain and something was tugging at my heart but I couldn't place it in my drowsiness of the night.
Then on the trip from Guangzhou to Shen Zhen; both in Southern China too, I fell asleep in the bus admist a really annoying marathon of so-much-more-irritating-than-lovely Cantonese love songs. Sorry mtyp and Joyce and Cas and whoever else I hurt by saying that. But trust me, it's all those old old soap opera types that I think even you dislike. :P
Anyway, I fell asleep. I'm still surprised at the way I managed to eventhough I kept thinking I would not be able to because of the annoying tunes eventhough I was sleepy like anything. Anyway, the dream came again. Clearer and sharper images shooting through my brain and the conversation was as clear as a bell. When I woke up, I was beyond shocked and surprised. Not only was that the weirdest dream I had ever had but it was concerning the weirdest thing also. Something I had never thought about before and certainly not want to feel in fear of jeopardizing something I hold dearly...
What do you do...
When your heart is telling you something and your mind is telling you something else...
What do you do...
When you feel all torn up inside and you feel just so lost...
What do you do...
When all the world thinks you're fine but when you're actually not...
What do you do...
When you feel like you want to explode because of the pressure building inside of you...
What do you do...
When you feel like you're an insipid fool and someone unworthy of something far greater than you...
What do you do...
When you have to constantly put on a happy facade just to hide the bubbling emotions within you...
What do you do...
When you so badly want to contain yourself from feeling a certain way...
What do you do...
When you are faced with a decision to make and no one is there to help you through it...
What do you do... what do you do...
What do you do??!!
posted by *~siaw hui~* at 12:21 PM
2 Comments:
u noe wad u do? if cant tink anymore, jus tembak n hope evrythin goes well. lol. don follow advice. jus remember, lady luck likes darin ppl. if u stay holed up y should she ever visit u. lol
haha. tembak who exactly i wonder.
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