The Kingdom of Once-Upon-A-Time

All right. Here's the real and complete intro to the story.

Since the lazy bum of an Emm (who btw kept squealing that she wanted to post the preview and promised me that she'll actually type further from where she actually left off) didn't bother to introduce the characters I thought I would. So here goes.

The Kingdom of Once-Upon-A-Time
Featuring:
The Royal Family of Once-Upon-A-Time:

Jeremy as the King of Once-Upon-A-Time
Jasmine as the Queen of Once-Upon-A-Time
Tania as the Princess of Once-Upon-A-Time

The Royales of Once-Upon-A-Time (in order of appearance):

Lee Lip as the Royal One Man Orchestra (Royal OMO for short)
Noel as the Royal Squirrel Musketeer
Siaw Hui as the Royal Physician a.k.a The Royal Squeak
Akmal as the Royal Pain In The Arse (Royal PITA for short)
Emmeline as the Royal Basketball Coach (Royal RBC for short) a.k.a The Royal Mini
Alison as the Royal Fashion Diva
Cherling as the Royal Cat
Vanessa as the Royal Artist

Satnam as the Crown Prince of the Distant Shores

The Three Witches:

Siaw Hui as Sapphire
Emmeline as Emerald
Alison as Amethyst

And now on with the first chapter of the story:

The Kingdom of Once-Upon-A-Time

The Royal Affair

Prologue: Through the Leaking Cauldron

Once upon a time in the kingdom far, far, far, far, - well, you get the point- three witches stood over a leaking cauldron.

"Put the baby's foot in NOW! It goes in first!" Emerald did a little jig around the cauldron, arms flailing.

"No, it doesn't! It's newt's eye! It's in the book," said Sapphire, glaring at her viciously.

"Prove it! Where's the book?"

"With Amethyst!"

"Where's Amethyst?"

"God knows..."

With a small poof, Amethyst appeared, wearing pink robes-of the latest fashion- because let's face it, what would you expect from someone who spends hours in Jupiter's red spot-the focus of the fashion world in the universe.

"Here!" Amethyst piped brightly, waing a hand and causing a mountain of shopping bags to appear out of nowhere, burying Sapphire and Emerald.

"Mmm-out tine!" Emerald croaked out under the mountain of bags.

"Did you bring it?" Sapphire asked eagerly, rubbing her hands together, gleam in her eyes.

"Err...hold on, it's here somewhere....here!" Amethyst replied perkily, drawing out an old tome from one of her bags and handing it to Sapphire.

"This is a fashion magazine."

"Oh." Amethyst looked blank. She bent over and started flinging contents from her various bags around. "Gimme a minute, it's here somewhere."

"Oy!" yelled Emerald as a pair of Jimmy Choos hit her in the face. Sapphire joined in when the real old tome landed on her head.

"You see? Told you it was here somewhere!" Amethyst echoed, ignoring the look of fury Sapphire was sending.

"OW!" emphasized Sapphire, rubbing the gromwing red bump on her head viciously even though the pain she felt did not merit such emphasis.

Still glaring, Sapphire flipped open the tome, scanned a page with a proffesional eye and declared, "Hah! I was right! It is newt's eye! I remember it from my student days."

"Nerd" mumbled Emerald, disgruntled. "That was like...how many centuries ago? Haha...ah...garr!!"

Sapphire glared at Emerald.

"Fine, fine. What's with the look? I was just joking. Just hurry up will you. We've been here for ages! Except for a certain someone!"

Amethyst looked away sheepishly.

"Aaah...give me that!" Emerald snatched the book away from Sapphire's hands.

"Oy!"

"Yeah, whatever. Let's see, you drop the newt's eye, the stir 50 times clockwise and 4 time anti-clockwise.....What are you doing Amethyst??"

Emerald narrowed her sharp -albeit pretty wrinkly- eyes at Amethyst who was pulling at her robes.

" WHY do you insist on wearing this black drab? It's so...so... UNFASHIONABLE ! There are so many thing here that would look so much better than this bag."

Amethyst started fumbling around her bags again.

"I bought you a present!" she yanked out something from a carrier bag. "Look! You'd look great in green."

Emerald stared at the diaphanous robe in her hands, the other one still stirring the cauldron. "I'm a witch."

"So am I, but does that mean I dress like I'm attending a funeral all the time? And you! " she pointed at Sapphire. "You're worse! You're wearing brown Doc Martens with your black robes!"

"What?" wailed Sapphire.

"I bought you cobalt ones! And if you grew your hair a bit..."

"Never!"

"Em? Is the cauldron supposed to look like sludge?"

Emerald who had been absent-mindedly stirring the cauldron perked up.

"What? Is the cauldron supposed to look like fudge?" she said excitedly, eyes bright.

" SLUDGE! IS IT SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE SLUDGE YOU COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY DEAF BAT! " yelled an irritated Sapphire, ignoring Amethyst who was draping cobalt robes over her shoulders, musing.

"Ooooh....it's shiny! Amethyst dropped the robes abd peered into the molten silver bubbling in the cauldron.

"Share!" Emerald whined, pushing Amethyst.

"Gosh! We're witches for mischief's sake! Come on...move...both of you!" argued Sapphire.

So there it was, three witches huddled over a sludgy cauldron cackling madly...

There was a whirl of colour and images blurred before finally settling. The vision of a kingdom came into view - Once-Upon-A-Time. With a name like that, one would think that there would be mist and sparks of magic swirling around the castle, surrounded by a mystical forest; that there'd be an ethereal glow with fairies and pixies dancing around.

It was not.

Rather, it looked like something 3 teenage girls who were not quite sane of mind had conjured up. There was a castle, and a forest. But neither looked very mystical. Instead, it looked like the three of them has very different ideas of what it should look like and had been unable to compromise. So to put it mildly, it was Frankenstein's patched version of a kingdom. There was no mist, though there was smoke from time to time when the Royal Pain In The Arse lived up to his name. As for the magic, it was too busy trying to hold the bloody place together than to swirl around looking pretty.

The image of the castle loomed closer - as did the three withces as they leaned in for a better view.

The image zeroed in oon the castle - which was now curiously emitting purple and pink puffs of smoke. Annoying organ music came spilling out of the dreary castle windows and a faint shout of, "Shut up, you Royal One Man Orchestra!" was heard.

Then the doors of the castle burst open, revealing a furry squirrel, brandishing a sword.

"HAHA! EN GUARDE!" he declared.

"Pesky little squirrel. You should shut up! Disturbing my Unfinished Symphony!" the Royal OMO shouted from his balcony before slamming the window shut.

"Aha! I see a mouse! Come here little mousey, here mousey, cute little mouse - "

"Who you calling mouse?" shouted the Royal Physician, "Get out of my way! I need to extract these mushrooms!" The Royal Squeak pointed at her basket filled to the brim with colourful mushrooms, big and small.

"NEVER!" roared the Royal Squirrel. "I shall defend my kingdom against all threats and dangers! And you, my rodential friend, are a liability!" He paused, thinking about it. "Actually, no, you're just annoying."

"Look who's talking!" squeaked the mouse. "If you really were purging the kingdom of all annoyances, you'd commit suicide!"

"And if you were an asset to the kingdom you would stop using all of us Royales as medical experiments!"

The Royal Squeak gasped.

"YOU - " she squeaked in a falsetto voice and inching closer to the Royal Musketeer with each word she spoke, "DIDN'T - JUST - INSULT - MY - MEDICAL - INTELLIGENCE!"

In a lightning move, she drew her humongous sewing needle and waved it menacingly.

"Oh God, they're at it again," came a voice.

"Dear, they're unique like that," the Queen laughed sweetly. Boy, was she beautiful the Queen of Once-Upon-A-Time. She has a face carved by angels.

The King rolled his eyes and bellowed, "I am your King and I command silence!"He paused, realizing how idiotically impossible this was. "Or at least try not to kill each other."

The Squirrel Musketeer and the Royal Squeak looked at him blankly, stuck out their tongues in unison and continued their scuffle.

"The amount of respect I get around here is legendary," sighed the King as stray mushrooms began to pelt his head as the Royal Squeak started her attack on the Squirrel Musketeer.

"Well, look on the bright side, dear," said the Queen brightly, adjusting the crown on the King's head, "I still respect you and besides, they're not as annoying as the Royal PITA."

A loud crash up ahead resounded throughout the courtyard and a figure barred the King's way.

"Speak of the devil - " muttered the King.

"Buahaha! I am the Royal PITA!" bellowed the Royal Pain In The Arse, "I'm going to - "

The Royal PITA started to collect all the fallen mushrooms and pelted everyone with them.

"Muahahaha! Beware the Royal PITA's WRA - hey! Stop that!"

The Royal Basketball Coach tugged on his ear.

"YOU! GIVE ME 50! NOW!"

"But... but..." whined the Royal PITA, eyes welling with tears.

"I - SAID - NOW!! AND AFTER THAT I WANT 50 SHOTS! MOVE!"

It can only be assumed that the Royal PITA tried to obey the fanatical basketball coach demands, upon fear of death by basketballs. However, if we tried to describe how he did so, we would all be old and grey before he was done. Hence, we shall move on, away from the Royal Courtyard and into the castle itself.

***

Somewhere in the darkest crevices of the castle, where not even the hardiest beam of light dared to pierce... something moved.

There was a faint rustle as dust rose and someone coughed. A groan sounded. It was the sound of annoyance, frustration intermingled with relief. It was the sound of destiny lost and found.

"Thank you, dear Lord," came a whisper.

With a sudden burst, a figure whirled out of the closet, clutching a multicoloured Pucci scarf in her hand.

"I found it!" screamed the Royal Fashion Diva, waving it as she would a flag.

"Meow?" came a puzzled voice.

The Royal Fashion Diva looked down at her dusty stilettos, her sharp eyes zeroing in on a cream-coloured Siamese cat.

"Well hello there," greeted the Fashion Diva cheerfully.

The Royal Cat blinked.

"Oooohhh - shiny!"

She lunged excitedly for the sparkling medallion around the cat's throat.

"Now if you would only let me groom you and - "

"NGE - OW!"

The Royal Cat slipped out of her grasp and darted away and down the dark corridor.

"Come back!" wailed the Fashion Diva pathetically, racing after the terrified cat, "Come - OOF!"

The babbling Fashion Diva slammed right into a girl, dressed in paint-splattered overalls.

"Wha - ?" said the girl.

"Your overalls are SO last season," said the one-track minded Royal Fashion Diva.

"Eh?" she said blankly, glancing down at herself, "Oh. I've been painting."

"Painting isn't an excuse for poor fashion sense."

"I'm the Royal Artist. Why do I need fashion sense?"

"Because it is the utter basis of the universe itself!" she yelled. Seeing the disbelieving look on the Royal Artist's face she said, "Fashion is beauty, beauty is nature, nature is life, life is being, being is the universe!"

"That - " she paused, "That's supposed to make sense but it doesn't. I mean, fashion isn't important. No one cares what you wear."

There was a sound, vaguely reminiscent of a sharp intake of breath before choking on their own spit.

That day, the walls of Once-Upon-A-Time castle rang with the indignant cries of the Royal Fashion Diva while the Royal Artist tried her best to escape.

Needless to say, she failed. Not many can escape the clutches of the fashion obsessed.

***

"Someday my prince will come," sang the Princess of Once-Upon-A-Time as she polished her numerous basketball trophies. She twirled around the glittering medals and cups, fantasizing of a tall, dark and handsome prince on a noble white steed which would sweep her off her Nike sneakers.

"Dum di da - " she trilled. "Oh shit, it's four already. Emm's gonna kill me!" she gasped, tripping over an indignant Royal Cat in her haste to get to the basketball court. "If she says anything, I'll smash her nose in with my basketball," she sniggered evilly as she skidded into the court.

"I'm here!" she shouted with enthusiasm.

"You're late," remarked the Royal RBC with a disapproving look.

"So? I'm never late. Mum always says that a princess is never late. Everyone else is simply early."

"None of your cheek," bellowed the Royal Mini, "Go practice your dribbling and then take three-pointer shots. NOW!"

"All right, all right, keep your hair on," grumbled the Princess, though there was a gleam of respect in her eye.

The thump of the basketball on the hard concrete floor echoed throughout the castle, combining with the easy laughter of the King and Queen, the groans of the Royal Pain In The Arse, the shrill music of the Royal One Man Orchestra, the screams of fury from the Royal Squeak and the Royal Squirrel Musketeer, the shrieks of the Royal Artist and the Royal Fashion Diva and the snores of the Royal Cat sleeping peacefully by the fire - to form the unique melody of the Kingdom of Once-Upon-A-Time.

End of Chapter

Okay. First of all, any typos, my bad.

Second of all, credits go to: Al, Emm and me who wrote this entire thing. And oh, Noel too who helped write the last part about the princess. I tweaked a little Noel hope you don't mind.

Comment guys!