Depressed
The title says it all, now doesn't it?
Sighz...
WARNING: SIAW HUI IS ABOUT TO GET INTO THE MORBID MODE SO IF YOU WANT TO STAY HAPPY AND GO ABOUT YOUR DAILY LIVES BEING HAPPY, STOP RIGHT HERE.
I've given my warning so it's about time I got on with my post.
As I would have it, this post is going to be a short and depression loaded one.
May I clarify: My life is far from perfect.
Even though it might seem perfect to some, it is not.
Okay, grades aside, accomplishments aside, what am I really?
Have you ever given that a thought? That once you lay aside everything you've ever achieved, once you lay aside everything you gained, once you lay aside everything you own, once you've laid aside everything dear to you.
What are you really? What am I really? What am I really?
Life's not all about answers. You have to find them... and guess what? Sometimes the answers are not satisfying. Seriously, it's far from satisfying.
When I lay aside everything I have, I find that I'm an empty nutshell. A totally empty nutshell. People stay away from me. I don't know why, I don't bloody know why. People I know stab me SO hard in the back that I don't even find the voice to cry out in pain, I don't even find the ability to bite back my hurt and let it all go passing by. And then there are people who stab me so hard in the back and yet have the bloody courage to come up to me, right in the face, and go "HI!" so cheerfully. It's like as if they pretend... they freaking pretend that they're on my side when the knife they used on me is still sticking in my back.
Well, I've got a compliment for people like them.
You're bloody good actors/actresses whatever.
CAUTION: NAMES WILL NOT BE MENTIONED.
So what if you're bloody good at pretending to be a great pal in front of me? Don't you feel any guilt for gossiping behind my back and then coming right back around to laugh with me like the sun will never go down?
Do you even begin to know how it feels to be in my shoes? Do you bloody know how much it hurts? Do you know how frigging bad it hurts?
Now I know how Alison feels.
By nature, by religion, I don't take revenge. Much as I like to, I still respect God and do NOT take revenge on whoever.
If you've read my profile in Friendster, you'll know that I stay loyal to my friends. Even if people start to gossip about them in front of me, I'll just keep nodding silently and add a few "Yes" if I need to. I won't jump into the topic and start adding my opinions and agreeing enthusiastically with every word that proceeds out of the other person's mouth. Unless they're my sworn enemies or people I don't know or people I don't like or people who are just not my friends.
Admittedly, I do gossip sometimes. But I'm trying to break out of that habit. It's hard but I'm working on it. Even Kim is encouraging me.
Thanks Kim.
And about staying loyal to my friends, I expect the same from my friends too. It's tit for tat. Give and take. I'm loyal to you, you're loyal to me. That's what makes a good friendship lasts, that's what makes a friendship bloom.
And for all those others out there who've backstabbed so many people without feeling guilty, I have five words for you:
What goes around, comes around.
Sighz...
WARNING: SIAW HUI IS ABOUT TO GET INTO THE MORBID MODE SO IF YOU WANT TO STAY HAPPY AND GO ABOUT YOUR DAILY LIVES BEING HAPPY, STOP RIGHT HERE.
I've given my warning so it's about time I got on with my post.
As I would have it, this post is going to be a short and depression loaded one.
May I clarify: My life is far from perfect.
Even though it might seem perfect to some, it is not.
Okay, grades aside, accomplishments aside, what am I really?
Have you ever given that a thought? That once you lay aside everything you've ever achieved, once you lay aside everything you gained, once you lay aside everything you own, once you've laid aside everything dear to you.
What are you really? What am I really? What am I really?
Life's not all about answers. You have to find them... and guess what? Sometimes the answers are not satisfying. Seriously, it's far from satisfying.
When I lay aside everything I have, I find that I'm an empty nutshell. A totally empty nutshell. People stay away from me. I don't know why, I don't bloody know why. People I know stab me SO hard in the back that I don't even find the voice to cry out in pain, I don't even find the ability to bite back my hurt and let it all go passing by. And then there are people who stab me so hard in the back and yet have the bloody courage to come up to me, right in the face, and go "HI!" so cheerfully. It's like as if they pretend... they freaking pretend that they're on my side when the knife they used on me is still sticking in my back.
Well, I've got a compliment for people like them.
You're bloody good actors/actresses whatever.
CAUTION: NAMES WILL NOT BE MENTIONED.
So what if you're bloody good at pretending to be a great pal in front of me? Don't you feel any guilt for gossiping behind my back and then coming right back around to laugh with me like the sun will never go down?
Do you even begin to know how it feels to be in my shoes? Do you bloody know how much it hurts? Do you know how frigging bad it hurts?
Now I know how Alison feels.
By nature, by religion, I don't take revenge. Much as I like to, I still respect God and do NOT take revenge on whoever.
If you've read my profile in Friendster, you'll know that I stay loyal to my friends. Even if people start to gossip about them in front of me, I'll just keep nodding silently and add a few "Yes" if I need to. I won't jump into the topic and start adding my opinions and agreeing enthusiastically with every word that proceeds out of the other person's mouth. Unless they're my sworn enemies or people I don't know or people I don't like or people who are just not my friends.
Admittedly, I do gossip sometimes. But I'm trying to break out of that habit. It's hard but I'm working on it. Even Kim is encouraging me.
Thanks Kim.
And about staying loyal to my friends, I expect the same from my friends too. It's tit for tat. Give and take. I'm loyal to you, you're loyal to me. That's what makes a good friendship lasts, that's what makes a friendship bloom.
And for all those others out there who've backstabbed so many people without feeling guilty, I have five words for you:
What goes around, comes around.
posted by *~siaw hui~* at 6:40 AM
10 Comments:
I'm not one of them, am I? o.O?
Cmon, cheer up gal, put a BIG SMILE on your face and you'll feel much better. LIke you said to Cas before, why waste your *coughsanitycough* energy on them? People like that are not worth the aggravation.
So yeah, SMILE!
Thanks anna... really appreciate it.
Yeah I know what I told cas before, but right then I couldn't exactly feel what I feel right now.
Hurt, betrayed, really mad.
But yeah, I'll try to put on a smile.
And dear girl, you're not one of them, all right? I know you're not that evil~
Hi Siaw Hui!!
Don't feel so down..Indeed i can tell it really hurts..
But GOOD NEWS
God will carry u through despite everything that happens. Put ur trust in the Lord.
*hugz*
Evelyn
:)
Thanks Evie...
You're the best!
HUGS
err... siaw? just to confirm, isn't me either right? i mean, i dun remember talking bad about u leh... i dun think i ever use knife to stab you also lerr... hehe jk.. i know what you mean. so siaw, you seem more worked up than i was man... calm down... breathe hoo-ha-hoo-ha... aiyah dun care bout them la. they will burn in ****. you know, only good go to heaven. but it's not me right, if me, u just say to me la. i won't cry one. but i dun think is me lerr... unless i suffer short-term memory loss. hmmns... hehe. just brush them off la. these sort of ppl are so small and low you must flick them off and go on with life. =)
You and Anna really paranoid hoh you two?
Haha, it's not you two la. You guys have been great to me. I know you guys haven't backstabbed me at any rate. HUGS GUYS!!!
Yeah, you two really have been nice to me about this whole thing. Thanks a lot. Appreciate it lots.
I'm starting to tone down, starting to put it behind me. Trying to, at least I'm partially succeeding. But thanks for everything, gals!
And yes, Cas, for once, you can call me Wong Woman as long as you like. :P
this is mtyp here. me leh me leh?? cheer up siaw! don't feel so depressed! you still have true friends around you. :)
Haiyooo... you ppl realllllyyyy paranoid. Once you guys see me go mad (angry mad I mean :P) you all so scared that I'll bomb you hiah? Tee hee...
Not you ppl lo yo. If not I'll already be avoiding you and glaring at you, I guess. :D
Yeah, thanks a lot guys. I just realized this post got a lot of comments. Hmm... not bad not bad.
heyy.. sorri jus read your post.. im not one of them either m i? anyways.. if it makes u feel better.. im feelin exactly the same way as u do.. prob not in the same aspect but owells.. im also wonderin wad i am too.. cheer up k.. accordin to u.. "grades n accomplishments aside".. GAL be grateful for those k!! ppl like me haf no accomplishments to be proud of =) whenver u haf probs, come look for me.. i cant gif good advices but i can be a good listener
Thanks sjane. Appreciate it. I'm getting over it now liao la though. :D
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