Riding the Waves of Nostalgia

Sigh...

It's been so many years... and yet not nearly enough for me. All the memories I had with each and every one of my friends are precious but yet not sufficient.

A few days ago, I realized that the years are flying past and time seems to be slipping through our very grasp.

It's been so long, but yet there's not enough of everything: there's not enough of good memories, not enough of laughs, not enough of quirks, not enough of hugs and tears of joys.

While I sit here swivelling in this chair, I can't help but wonder, where have all those years gone?

Like Kok Ming told Chiew the other day in Add Maths class...
Kok Ming: Time passes very fast le...
Chiew: Yeah mer?
Kok Ming: (In Hokkien) Yeah. One day you'll be saying, "Wah, Kok Ming is getting on an aeroplane liao mer?"

All the good times, all the bad times, whatever it is, it's worth cherishing.

I still remember the time when I was little, when I used to walk down the corridors and oggling at my seniors (secondary students). I remember asking myself when would I ever get the chance to be like them, to wear those secondary uniform and be older then everyone else.

Well, here I am, complete with the uniform I hoped for when I was a kid... and yet I have so little time in it. One and a half years to be exact... before I leave everything, my school behind.

Just this morning, my dad asked me where I planned to go after school and what I planned to study. Somehow, I just don't feel like thinking about it. Maybe I am morbid, scratch that, I AM morbid.

I don't feel like leaving my friends behind and going off to another continent to start a new beginning. I don't feel like leaving school so soon, together with all those memories my friends and I created since I was a toddler. I don't feel like leaving my home and getting ready to grow up, to live like all those other adults out there. Heck, it's one and a half more years, you may say. But heck, I reply, heck, one and a half years is gonna fly by so soon you'll not even notice.

Sigh...

I have had my share of problems this week. My friends are fighting: I'm trying to stay neutral, but it's hard not to because everytime they leap for each other's throat, I feel my heart is breaking and I feel like crying in frustration. And then there are my Physics marks, my SUCKY Physics marks which I don't even know I can get an A1 coz my essay paper is not back yet. And joy, I can only afford 4 marks deducted from my essay to get an 80. Then there are those whom I feel have grown distant and cold from me not because of something I did, but more like because something happened to me, not out of my own doing.

All these, all these in the space of one week.

I consider myself lucky I could break away from these last night, with all my other church youth. They do know how to put the smile, laughter and fight back into me again. Thanks, guys, owe you lots.

One and a half years... one and a half years before I have to put stuff like these all behind me. One and a half years before I have to start all over again, from scratch, in a new place, even if I do decide to study in Malaysia. One and a half years more before I have to say goodbye to friends I have know for ages, for 13 years, friends like MTYP, Jasmine, Khang Wee and Kok Ming.

I feel so downhearted inside, wait, make that I feel nostalgic.

Gosh, I'm trying to put together the pages for the prefects photos currently. And each photo I place in those pages, remind me of all those good times I've had. It seems only like yesterday that I was running around like a mad hatter in the school, seems like yesterday that paper planes were flying around, seems like yesterday I downed that whole cup of sticky milk.

Time tells me that it's been a long time since those days yet my heart tells me that it's not.

I'm growing up, even if I feel like a kid, I'm growing up. I will earn my driver's license next year and go to college the next.

I am growing up, just plain simple growing up.

And there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.