To a certain someone

You know who you are, so I need not mention your name here all right, girl?

Anyway, I just want to say I'm sorry. Yeah. Publicly. On a blog.

Hard to get Siaw Hui to apologize... umm esp so publicly.

Anyway, sorry for what I did to you. I'm sorry I yelled at you, for not being there for you. You must be thinking I'm so two faced. One time comforting you and then one more time doubting you and your claims. And I don't mind because I know that I was an idiotic friend.

But I just want to say this: I was angry yesterday and I was pissed at how everything turned out... which was like shit. And your comment about Noel and your deleted blog post made me sparked off the anger.

I'm sorry I badmouthed you. But I just want to say that there was one time that I wanted to belive you but I guess I didn't because of what were going around me. I'm sorry I suspected you and for everything else mean I did to you. Really sorry.

But I just want you to know this, as a friend (or if you still think of me as one), sometimes you have to be more sensitive to my feelings... to our feelings. Coz I mean we were already pissed and sometimes the way you say things makes us even worse. Main reason why I got even meaner to you was because of that.

And please... don't go run crying to everyone. We are all already in deep shit as it is. Do you want us to get into even more trouble? I know that you want comfort and all that. But please, keep it low... for Noel's sake? For the rest of us?

I know I'm not worthy to ask this of you after how I scolded you, screamed at you, glared at you and suspected you of being a snitch... but honestly, please don't do it anymore. I'm sorry I made you cry. But if you must know I did cry too because of the way you just yelled at me. Together with the others... like teachers for example. But we all have to learn how to keep these kind of tears to ourselves if not we all get in shit again. And we're already wallowing in enough shit as it is.

I'm very sorry about suspecting you... but I guess I needed someone to blame. All of us did. Now that I know the truth (and I shall not disclose it here or anywhere else) I know that my suspicions about you were wrong. So here it is plain and clear, loud and clear, I'm sorry for everything. But it was just that coincidences about you were so clear and right that I just lunged for it and jumped to conclusions.

I hope you forgive me. I've been a really sucky person I know. Esp when you treat me like a friend and I didn't in that time you wanted someone to believe in you. Aih. My life knows no bounds of stupid things I do. I've let everyone down. Including myself.

Sorry dear.