Of cats and statements
First of all, the statements.
Statement 1: To our very own Squirrel Noel, I AM NOT LIVING IN DENIAL! YOU ARE! SO DON"T PRETEND THAT I AM OR THAT YOU AREN"T!
Statement 2: To Akmal, wait till I pull your tie back and whack you so hard with my mine AGAIN.
Statement 3: To Van, DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAADDDD. Okay fine, that wasn't a statement. It was a lyric from the Wizard of Oz song. But still...
Statement 4: To Alison, you seeeee??!! It was a good thing I didn't let you drag me to that public speaking thing. YOU SEE YOU SEE!!
Statement 5: To Kim, you are SOO not cute so please do not try to act cute or say that cartoony "haba, haba" thing again. It's killing me. :P
Statement 6: To Yee Ying and Jas, HAPPY BE-EARLY BIRTHDAY! YOU"RE SWEET SEVENTEEN!! WHOOT!! And you can finally learn to drive car unlike me. Phooey.
Statement 7: To Khang Wee, I seriously need to get a receptionist to attend to you. And you seriously, SERIOUSLY, need to stop snapping your fingers everytime you want to get my attention. I have a NAME you know?!
Well that's about it.
Okay. Here are is the main bulk of content up.
Warning: All cat lovers out there, leave immediately. Or stay and get hurt by what I'm going to say.
Apologies: I'm sorry Van, Cher and Agan and all the other cat owners and cat lovers out there for what I'm about to say.
Complaint: I HATE CATS! Hate them, loathe them, want them to get out of my SIGHT! Grr... they used to be cute, those stray cats outside my house. They used to look at me with those adoring eyes and mew so sweetly. And then, they turned mad. Wild. Stupid. Idiotic. And all those other negative adjectives.
Why?
Well, let me see.
At 12 midnight (not all the times but sometimes) they start mewing. Want to know why? Because they want to mate. Geeezzz!! Why want to mate in the middle of the night I also don't know. The only thing to do at midnight (for me) is to CATCH UP ON SLEEP YOU UNGRATEFUL MISCREANTS!! See there is this white male cat which is simply and utterly and absolutely obsessed with this tabby female cat. All he has been doing is to follow her around everywhere and like guard her when she sleeps, guard her when she eats, tails her everywhere and I mean everywhere. For one thing, when she pees, he pees. And guess where they pee? IN MY SHOERACK!!
So at midnight, they start mewing. The guy will go like purring in this really seductive (it's annoying to me la) way to the female. And for a while there will be like purring for a long while. And then they start fighting, real bad. They'll start hissing and spitting (which is even worse mind you) and then I will get out onto the balcony and either 1) start barking like a crazed dog which works most times mind you (they scamper away and knock over dustbins) or 2) yell at them, "GET LOST YOU IRRITATING ANIMALS! I WANT TO SLEEEEEPPPPP!!!! (which also works temporarily)
Then, they absolutely love sneaking into my house. And hide under my low coffee table when I'm watching TV. So, when I extend my leg and move the table slightly, the cat bounds up and gives me a shock of my life. YES, I ALMOST TOPPLED INTO MY GLASS COFFEE TABLE!! Imagine that.
And, when my bro was back here. They love to start their - umm - courting mews when we are watching a movie! SO instead of hearing the actors go, "I think we should go there. We should check the place out. There might be something that awaits us in there." The dialogue on screen goes something like, "I think we should - meooooowwwwwwww - there. We should - hisss hissss scratch - place out. There might be - MEEEOOWWW HIIISSSSSS SCCCRATTCCCHHHHH - in there." HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH A MOVIE FILLED WITH HALF MEOWS AND HALF HUMAN WORDS??!!
Hmph. And guess what? Finally the female consented to mate. Just recently, mind you. And guess what? SHE"S PREGNANT. I'm telling you. She's pregnant with the next generation of miscreants! SHE REALLY IS!! And I thought that both her and her mate would be the end of annoying felines but apparently, they decided TO BREED AND HAVE SOME MORE IDIOTIC CATS AROUND!! No... my nightmare is really coming true. Just imagine... six more kittens to handle? To kick out of the house, to clean up after their pee, to feed them to make sure they stop meowing and to listen to them serenade me to sleep.
THIS IS SO TOTALLY UNFAIR!
ANYONE, who adores cats, PLEASE PLEASE!! Come and take them away. I beg of you!
I hate cats. Last time when Van or Agan described their cats to me (especially Agan's kitten) I used to say they were cute.
APPARENTLY I WAS WRONG.
So wrong.
Statement 1: To our very own Squirrel Noel, I AM NOT LIVING IN DENIAL! YOU ARE! SO DON"T PRETEND THAT I AM OR THAT YOU AREN"T!
Statement 2: To Akmal, wait till I pull your tie back and whack you so hard with my mine AGAIN.
Statement 3: To Van, DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAADDDD. Okay fine, that wasn't a statement. It was a lyric from the Wizard of Oz song. But still...
Statement 4: To Alison, you seeeee??!! It was a good thing I didn't let you drag me to that public speaking thing. YOU SEE YOU SEE!!
Statement 5: To Kim, you are SOO not cute so please do not try to act cute or say that cartoony "haba, haba" thing again. It's killing me. :P
Statement 6: To Yee Ying and Jas, HAPPY BE-EARLY BIRTHDAY! YOU"RE SWEET SEVENTEEN!! WHOOT!! And you can finally learn to drive car unlike me. Phooey.
Statement 7: To Khang Wee, I seriously need to get a receptionist to attend to you. And you seriously, SERIOUSLY, need to stop snapping your fingers everytime you want to get my attention. I have a NAME you know?!
Well that's about it.
Okay. Here are is the main bulk of content up.
Warning: All cat lovers out there, leave immediately. Or stay and get hurt by what I'm going to say.
Apologies: I'm sorry Van, Cher and Agan and all the other cat owners and cat lovers out there for what I'm about to say.
Complaint: I HATE CATS! Hate them, loathe them, want them to get out of my SIGHT! Grr... they used to be cute, those stray cats outside my house. They used to look at me with those adoring eyes and mew so sweetly. And then, they turned mad. Wild. Stupid. Idiotic. And all those other negative adjectives.
Why?
Well, let me see.
At 12 midnight (not all the times but sometimes) they start mewing. Want to know why? Because they want to mate. Geeezzz!! Why want to mate in the middle of the night I also don't know. The only thing to do at midnight (for me) is to CATCH UP ON SLEEP YOU UNGRATEFUL MISCREANTS!! See there is this white male cat which is simply and utterly and absolutely obsessed with this tabby female cat. All he has been doing is to follow her around everywhere and like guard her when she sleeps, guard her when she eats, tails her everywhere and I mean everywhere. For one thing, when she pees, he pees. And guess where they pee? IN MY SHOERACK!!
So at midnight, they start mewing. The guy will go like purring in this really seductive (it's annoying to me la) way to the female. And for a while there will be like purring for a long while. And then they start fighting, real bad. They'll start hissing and spitting (which is even worse mind you) and then I will get out onto the balcony and either 1) start barking like a crazed dog which works most times mind you (they scamper away and knock over dustbins) or 2) yell at them, "GET LOST YOU IRRITATING ANIMALS! I WANT TO SLEEEEEPPPPP!!!! (which also works temporarily)
Then, they absolutely love sneaking into my house. And hide under my low coffee table when I'm watching TV. So, when I extend my leg and move the table slightly, the cat bounds up and gives me a shock of my life. YES, I ALMOST TOPPLED INTO MY GLASS COFFEE TABLE!! Imagine that.
And, when my bro was back here. They love to start their - umm - courting mews when we are watching a movie! SO instead of hearing the actors go, "I think we should go there. We should check the place out. There might be something that awaits us in there." The dialogue on screen goes something like, "I think we should - meooooowwwwwwww - there. We should - hisss hissss scratch - place out. There might be - MEEEOOWWW HIIISSSSSS SCCCRATTCCCHHHHH - in there." HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH A MOVIE FILLED WITH HALF MEOWS AND HALF HUMAN WORDS??!!
Hmph. And guess what? Finally the female consented to mate. Just recently, mind you. And guess what? SHE"S PREGNANT. I'm telling you. She's pregnant with the next generation of miscreants! SHE REALLY IS!! And I thought that both her and her mate would be the end of annoying felines but apparently, they decided TO BREED AND HAVE SOME MORE IDIOTIC CATS AROUND!! No... my nightmare is really coming true. Just imagine... six more kittens to handle? To kick out of the house, to clean up after their pee, to feed them to make sure they stop meowing and to listen to them serenade me to sleep.
THIS IS SO TOTALLY UNFAIR!
ANYONE, who adores cats, PLEASE PLEASE!! Come and take them away. I beg of you!
I hate cats. Last time when Van or Agan described their cats to me (especially Agan's kitten) I used to say they were cute.
APPARENTLY I WAS WRONG.
So wrong.
posted by *~siaw hui~* at 10:10 PM
4 Comments:
OI! stupid mouse. mus be scared of cats nia. if they mew, jus turn up the volume lah. DUH! u dun wan, give me. i only haf two cats left. :( me wan mor! i wan like.... 10 cats! n maybe 5 dogs. haha!
Im not a stupid nouse. WATCH IT SQUIRREL!!!
turn up the volume doesn't exactly work either coz my dad will scream at me. Or my mum will. :P
anyway, if you want those annoying cats, please pretty please, COME OVER TO MY NEIGHBOURHOOD and catch them!! I'm telling you. EVERYONE and I mean EVERYONE in my neighbourhood will applaud your heroic act coz none of us can stand them anymore.
don't you see, siaw. It's a SIGN. There is a reason why they have chosen your neighbourhood, your house as their 'home'. Just give in, siaw. You can't fight them. Squeakin
And it's ok. U din offend me whatsoever coz I understand that diff ppl have diff opinions... But i ALSO understand that dogs are SMELLY, crazy, have lots of fleas, LICK and BITE you. AND they're TOO biG ,unless they stay short their whole lives then it's okayy. =)
DOGS ARE CUTE! END OF STORY!
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